Hurt

Chapter 4

I looked at Carrie with a curious look. What could she possibly tell me? Not anything that I wanted to hear ! She called me a name that ONLY my mom has ever called me..

She cleared her throat to speak which snapped be out of my thoughts.

"I apologize, I forgot only your mom called you that an-"

"Well how did you know that !?" I snapped growing impatient

"Cas- Sandra, Casandra, please let me finish"

She said correcting herself as if I didn't know she was about to call me "Cas" again

"I knew your mom and Be-"

"You knew my mom ! And didn't tell me ? Why would you eve-"

She looked at me with a "can you quit interrupting me" look. I apologized and let her finish

"Before she, you know.. committed suicide... me and her were good friends"

"Well how come I don't know about you?"

"Because I was a friend she simply did business with. Your mom came to me for home plans. She said that if any moment and time she was to leave or anything she wanted me to be the one to help you get on your feet you know, that's why I fought so hard to become your realtor."

I looked at her in disbelief

"So, So you knew my mother was gonna kill herself !?" I somewhat yelled with tears in my eyes

"Yes and no" she looked down tears now in her eyes

"You knew my mother was gonna kill herself ? And , And you did nothing ! You didn't stop her ? You didn't get her help? You didn't tell me ? You didn't do anything !!"

At this point I was shouting. Hot tears poured down my checks faster and faster the louder I got.

"No ! NO! Do not put this on me ! Do not ! I spoke to your mom about her suicidal THOUGHTS! I talked her out of it plenty of times! I encouraged her to leave your sorry ass father ! I told her that I would get her help and EVEN take care of YOU !! I tried, you don't know how hard I tried ! I really did ! And come to you ? The very first time we discussed her suicidal thoughts were when you were 5!! You think i would tell a FIVE year old her mother was gonna kill herself ?  You wouldn't have understood! You could barely understand when you were seven ! Let alone five so do-"

"I could barely understand when I was 7?!! I watched my mother shoot her self  in the HEAD!! At the age of 7 !! With my own eyes ! I DID! So don't say I didn't understand what suicide was ! Because I did ! I felt every bit of pain! Pain I didn't even know existed! At the age of seven !!"

At this point we were both shouting

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said you didn't understand.. believe me I live with the guilt of not being able to save your mom everyday.. and I'm so sorry for that Casandra. I promise I tried to get her to hold on because you needed her"

I looked at her with tears in my eyes. She was right why would you tell a 5 year old her mother is gonna kill herself ? And she got her to hold on for 2 years and I thank God for that.

"Thank you for everything you did for her and for me.. I'm just , I'm just hurt" my voice cracked and tears came even heavier

She walked over to me and as soon as I fell to my knees she caught me and embraced me in a tight hug.

"Everything's gonna be okay... I'm here for you"

After I had let Carrie comfort me we got back to talking business.

"So I got it dropped down to 200,000 dollars, what do you think about that ?"

"That sounds great !"

"You will have to pay 250 a month though for all utilities "

"Sounds good to me !"

After we got all the paper work filled out I handed her direct cash.. normally you aren't supposed to but Carrie makes exceptions for me..

She handed me the Condo key and said

"It's all yours.. you have my number if you need me, don't forget that."

And with that she walked out.

I looked around the empty condo with a huge smile. This was all mine and I had two weeks to whip it into shape before school started.

Fastest update I've done !!

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