Just A Sentiment Of A Woman

So Close

I dont know. But whenever I see you I kept on asking myself, what happened?  Did we really ended that way? Why does I have this many what ifs in my mind. I know i am the one who is responsible for being like this, for regretting what i've done.

Everything feels magical when we are together. Whenever I'm with you all I feel is pure happiness and love.  Those memories that we created are still here in my heart and mind. I dont know how,  why it feels like we are now strangers to each other. 
What happened? I really thought that its gonna be you and I who will concur the world.  It's gonna be you and me.  We made promise. We dream together. We already plan what were going to do in the future. I really thought its gonna be you and me until the end. But I was wrong.

Even though its already almost 2 years since we broke up, it is still fresh to me the day we met. Nasa isang coffee shop ka that time. Alone. You are having a good sip of your coffee while reading your Accounting book. And i was searching for a table. I was walking towards your direction dahil sa likod mo sana ako na upuan uupo.
But something happened. I got trip by the chair in front of you. Nasaboy yung strawberry shake coffee ko sa table mo.  Luckily hindi nasabuyan ang katawan mo.
I was really sorry that time.  Because of my clumsiness you might be mad at me.  Baka ma turn off ka agad sa akin kahit wala pa akong ginagawa.

I kept saying sorry to you.  And I thought its okay to you since you are just quiet pero hindi pala. You shouted at me na dahil sa katangahan ko.

I really dont know that it was the beginning of our love story. After that incident naaabutan na kita minsan sa coffee shop.  Lumalapit ako sayo dahil gusto ko talagang mag sorry sayo hanggang sa maging okay na tayo.  Siguro nakulitan ka kaya wala kanang choice kundi pansinin ako.

Every weekend naaabutan kita lagi sa coffee shop na yun.  Until we became close and starting talking like friends. Hanggang nasundan ng nasundan ang pagkikita natin sa coffee shop.

Until 6 months after that nanligaw ka. It wasn't the usual ligawan you did.  You never bought me chocolates or a real flower instead, binigyan mo na ata ako ng lifetime supply ng favorite kong strawberry shake coffee. You become like a bestfriends, a study buddy and a parent to me.  You always make sure that all my decisions is really good for me. After 8 months of dating officially tayo na talaga. 

We make everyday as if its gonna be our last day together. We make sure that everything is perfect. We had fights but still attached to each other at the end of the day.  Our relationship is really good.  That time I hope it was us until the end. On our 1st anniversary you surprise me with a romantic dinner inside your apartment. Kahit fried chicken at menudo lang yung pagkain natin.  I really appreciate your effort that time. I now you dont cook.  And never in your life nagluto ka. Thats why I really love our romantic anniversary dinner.

Our relationship is smoothie . And I thought no one could break us apart. On our almost 4 years relationship dun tayo nagkakaroon ng malaking away.  I dont know how it happened pero naging sunod sunod  ang away natin. It was almost a year after our 4th anniversary when we decided to stop. It was a mutual decision for us para hindi tayo lamunin ng sakit. 
Masyado na tayong nasasaktan sa relasyon natin.  Kahit decision ang ginawa namin,  it still didn't take the pain.  Masyadong masakit, its too much.  Hindi ko alam kong paano,  bakit,  o ano ang nangyari. Why? Why do we ended this way.

I thought we are the perfect pair, the marian and dingdong pair.  But Its not.  We are not like them.

2 years but still you are inside my heart. Never nawala,  never nagbago at never napalitan. 

Nakita ulit kita,  sa isang party.  You are part of the org.  that sponsors the foundation I am handling. I never thought we are seeing each other after these years.  You are still handsome. You still have those eyes that full of life.

Nagkausap tayo and its just all about the foundation.  Nagkamustahan ng konti but we never bring up our past.

As I watch you I feel happy.

I know we will never gonna be together again and I already accepted it.

You are so close but yet so far. I think I really need to move on ng totoo. You will still be a good memory to be treasure. Maybe God used us both to become what we are now. I thank God for letting me know you.

Maybe we are the living proof of "Pinagtagpo ngunit hindi itinadhana"

And I will keep smiling whenever I will remember our past.  Someday I can fully smile at you without thinking the what ifs. Someday I can look at you fully healed. And I know malapit na.  Malapit na akong ngitian ka ng bukal sa loob ko.

Makikita ko rin ang tamang tao para sakin in the right time. Kaya iaasa ko nalang muna kay God ang lahat.

Ken, thank you. Thank you for letting me experience those memories that you gave.  Thank you for being part of my life.  Even though hindi man naging tayo sa huli,  I know God did that on purpose.