Blaze

Part 11

ONE WEEK LATER

"Mummy look at the elephant." Mikey was stretching himself out in my arms trying to grab at the elephants trunk, I let him try as Ash held onto Joey and Shadow wondered off to get us some drinks.

"We haven't spoken in a while Ash... how are you and Shadow?"

Ash's face immediately turns pink as she watches him walk off into the crowd.

"He's amazing Jaydon, he sits up with me whenever the baby is being an asshole, he brings me food whenever I have a midnight craving and he rubs my feet, like all the time." She sighs happily.

I refused to be bitter over the fact that Blaze has never done any of that for me. I don't know if he thinks I'm too independent or he hasn't thought about it or he just doesn't care but throughout all my pregnancies he hasn't done any of that and I'm not sure why we don't click like that. He is a great father but we can't seem to fit together when dealing with our kids. I sigh silently but smile down at Ashleigh.

"I'm so lucky, but how have you been, you look exhausted all the time."

I glance around and see that Shadow still hasn't made his way back.

"I'm not doing great, Blaze is a great father but when he's tired he doesn't share any of the load, he is great with the boys but I feel like a maid, all I seem to do anymore is cook and clean... I never wanted to feel like a used house wife. He will play with the boys when he's home but I still have to cook dinner, clean the house, iron laundry, get Mikey ready for school and Joey ready for kindy. I just... I would never say he doesn't pull his weight but I feel like if he wants a break he just takes one but if I want a break I'm a bad mother. I love being a mum and I love my boys but I don't even know what Blaze and I are anymore." I blinked the tears away from my eyes as I glance down at Mikey who had his attention on me and then on something behind me.

"Daddy!" He wriggles around until I put him on the ground and he races into Blaze's arms. The men were definitely within earshot for that and I couldn't look at Blaze when I was on the brink of tears like I was.

I cleared my throat and moved on to the next enclosure, by now it was Ash and I up front while Blaze and Shadow had a kid each as they followed behind us, still within earshot. Blaze still hadn't said a word to me and my heart was breaking because of him all over again. Tears were blurring my vision as we made it to the orangutan enclosure.

"Have you tried talking about it?" Ash whispered as she slipped her arm through mine.

"I tried once when Mikey was first born and he just said that with him being the only one with a job it was my job to keep the house tidy."

"That's a bit chauvinistic." Ashleigh snorted.

I just shrug, "I'm not one to deliberately want to get hurt so I just didn't mention it again. But there is no us anymore and after yesterday if I find out he cheated on me again I will fuck him up and then move on." The tears I was trying to keep at bay slipped out and down my cheeks as I looked at my wedding ring, I thought Blaze was different from other guys and my father, but unlike my mum I was not going to put up with his shit until he can leave me for someone younger and skinnier.

BLAZE'S POV

"What is up with you two?" Shadow mumbled as he looked down at Joey.

"I don't know man, I fucked up but... I don't know." I growled out as I watched Ashleigh try and comfort Jaydon, I know she didn't want me to see her distress so I pretended like I didn't.

"You should go to her man."

"Just for her to tell me to fuck off? No thanks." I snort.

"Yes, just for that, you are supposed to be there for her through everything and right now you guys have problems."

"We do not... she's just tired all the time and... never in the mood..." I finish off guiltily knowing that it's not her that's not in the mood but more me that's not in the mood for her. Don't get me wrong I love her with everything in me, I just don't find her sexually attractive anymore, I don't even remember what her shape is supposed to be when she's not pregnant or carrying around the baby weight... she's beautiful when she's pregnant but I just... I can't get hard for her anymore...

"You are a shallow fuck, you know that." Shadow growled at me.

My eyes widened upon realising I must have muttered out loud. "Now look-"

"No you look, you have an amazing wife, that puts you and the kids first, never complains and from what I can tell tries to please you the best she can and all you can think about is the fact that her waistline has thickened? What kind of man are you to treat your pregnant wife like some club whore? Contrary to what you might think not all women are meant to be stick thin, nor want to be. Jaydon has a big heart and you don't fucking deserve her." Shadow growls out.

"Mummy why are you crying?" Mikey's sad voice brings Shadow and I to an instant stop as we realise how loud our conversation must have gotten, lucky for us no one else but the 6 of us are around but that also meant no surrounding sounds drowned out our conversation.

"I didn't realise I was baby, sorry it must be that sunscreen you helped me put on earlier." She tried to smile to reassure him but she couldn't she just continued to look at me with a blank face and dead eyes.

I swallowed loudly but didn't know what to say to take the hurt from her eyes, I couldn't help how I felt...

"Jaydon we can leave if you want." Ashleigh whispered out gently beside her.

Jaydon cleared her throat but shook her head and instead grabbed Mikey off me and walked on ahead of all of us.

I couldn't help the guilt but I couldn't change it either.