My Fictional Boyfriend

Chapter 30 ~ The First Step

Liam and Aly came to my house on one Saturday noon after Marc and I bought the materials needed for the costumes. Thankfully, Neri came with us because she was familiar to the place and the endless streets of Divisoria shops. I was so tired and exhausted but who can refuse two of my closest friends?

"I invited someone over too," Liam said once we were upstairs, starting to help them practice.

"So you invited someone in my house without even consulting the approval of its owner?" I raised a brow at him. He just gave me one of his Liam-smile. "Who?" I asked. "At least I know who's coming over." Just like on cue, the doorbell rang.

"I'll answer it." Liam offered. Aly and I waited. We started practicing her lines, me acting as whoever she would have a dialogue with.

"But Marcus, we've been together since we were kids." Eponine, I mean Aly, said to Marcus who was me.

I read the script. "Yes, but my heart seeks..."

"Ella!!!" We both turned to the direction of the stairs. Alexa rushed and hugged me.

"What brings you here?" I asked, surprised that the famous DJ was in my house. When she pulled away from our hug, Aly seemed so shocked and couldn't believe who we were with on my rooftop.

"Lex-Lexie? Lexie Nagisa?" She covered her mouth from the shock. "I didn't know you knew each other? Liam... Liam didn't tell me you're the one who'll help us practice."

Liam emerged and walked towards us. "I want to surprise the two of you. Anyway, Alexa, this is Alyssa you can call her Aly. And Aly, this is--"

"Alexa!" Aly exclaimed. "Ofcourse I know your name! I always listen to you." They shook hands for introductory. "Sorry, I got sweaty."

Alexa laughed. "It's okay, mine too. I volunteered to drive mom in this town, she needs to talk to someone, I chatted Liam and thought it'll be a good time to help him  the play."

"I invited Aly over too." He explained. "To lessen the nerves." I wasn't aware that Alexa and Liam were chatting. I hadn't really had time to talk to Liam about little things we used to because of the hectic schedule, plus, finals were coming.

I placed a blanket on the pavement floor like what Marvin and I use whenever we're here. Alexa would suggest some movement or opinions to improve their roles, she'd been to various workshops before. I almost memorized their lines for repeating the scenes over and over. I simply sat there watching them practice until Aly had to leave and I had to do her part (minus the singing parts).

"You're also a great Eponine, Ella!" Alexa said, but I had lesser opinions from her because I won't really be on the play. "Just in case you will be in that play, add more power and emotions, like you feel the heartbreak, the longing, the desire!" She said.

While they were practicing the part of Marius and Cosette, I sat back to the blanket and read the script. I found the songs page and saw the lyrics of "On My Own."

On my own,
Pretending he's beside me...

"Stop pretending, I am here." Marvin chuckled beside me. "But I honestly like that song."

"It was my favorite. Until you came and made it real."

He took my hand. "Wanna sing?"

"It might rain," I said, following the superstition for ugly voice.

"Come on, let me hear your voice," Marvin begged. I glanced at Liam and Alexa, they were busy so I was assured they wouldn't hear. I sang the song for Marvin.

It was almost four o'clock when they left. But I still had the song in my mind and the script of Eponine. I went back in the rooftop and sat on my same spot earlier before I led them downstairs. I took my laptop and opened my story with Marvin.

"What do you think is the ending of our story?"

I tried to ignore his question. I wasn't ready to end our story or even think of its ending. There's just so much to write, even if we had a happy ending, the fact that the last period would be written would hinder me from changing or adding anything I'd like to say about us.

"Hey, El," Marvin held my hand. Did he just hear what I thought or I said it aloud. "I love you. Always remember that. No matter what will happen."

I wrote and continued our story. That's the thing about endings, you had the obligation to end what you're writing but your feelings said otherwise. You just had to keep holding on one or handful of characters until they slip away, if they even would slip away...

~

I sat up with a start. I was on Marvin's lap still on the rooftop. I had a short nap, I knew it was short because the sun was still shining. I took my vibrating phone from my pocket. I received an e-mail regarding the article I had to submit soon. "Oh my Gosh, the magazine the judge was talking about wasn't just any mag! It's the Teen NOW! Magazine Worldwide! I still don't know to write about. I can't miss this chance."

Marvin stroke my hair. "There's still a lot of time, love. I'm sure we'll see your article in that mag. Write about something you love, something you can't stop thinking about."

"All things you said pointed back at you." I said and kissed him. "You know, I don't want to stop doing this. I can't stop doing this."

"Kissing me or staying in the rooftop with a carpet beneath you?" Marvin grinned.

"Just being with you," I said. "I wish we can make every story I write true. Including you."

"Hey, we talked about this, remember?" Keep in mind that whatever we have was --  is -- true. Always true." He kissed my forehead. "By the way, you still have more weeks to finish that article. You can focus on the play first, then that article then our story."

"I told you. I can't finish our story. Not yet." I said looking at him to prove I'm serious. I just can't. Instead of arguing with me he just kissed my forehead. I noticed the sky was getting darker. I closed my laptop, collected my things on it and pulled him up. "Come, let's go inside."

"Why? Don't you like to stay a little longer?" He refused to stand.

Normally, he would be the one to tell me it's too late already or that sunset was aproaching, this time was different. If this was his own way of saying he'd like to bid me goodbye, I won't let him. I tried to pull the blanket like he had weigh on it and folded it. He stood eventually. "I love you, Ella, there's nothing to be afraid of."

He was wrong. There was something to be afraid of, something I couldn't stop thinking about no matter how painful it was. It hit me everytime he was away, everytime I blink and he faded. Every day, every sunsets.

Write about something you love or something you can't stop thinking about.

So I did the first step in writing. It wasn't always about writing the first letter or first word. The first step in writing was thinking. Thinking about the topic. Scribbling the possible outline in your mind and trying to make it imaginable. That's the first step before making it visible to others, you had to write it first in your own mind.

And I know exactly what to write.