Why does it hurt? -- DISCONTINUED

Chapter 1

A/N: 5SOS isn't famous yet. Their still in high school. They are juniors.

Luke's POV

  I ran into the bathroom as soon as Lila left. She just gotten into a fight with one of her "friends" because they had used her to get popular. So Lila was crying. Correction, sobbing. She finally thought she should get home because her older brother would be wondering why she was out so late. Lila got here at 8:00 pm. It's 10:00 pm now. It hurt me to see Lila cry. She was my true love, and when she was crying I felt like I should be dead.

  I've had self harm problems since freshman year of high school. Bullies and people in general. I only cut now when I'm really sad or when my girlfriend of 1 year, Lila, is upset.

  As soon as I get into the bathroom, I lock the door. I turn the shower on so if my room mate and best friend, Ashton, gets home while I'm "showering" he won't get suspicious. I reach into the shaving kit I keep in the medicine cabinet. I pull out a disposable razor. I set it on the counter and put the kit back into the cabinet. I sit on the counter next to the sinks. I always cut in the shower or lean my arm against a sink so it's an easy clean-up.

  After taking all the bracelets off my left arm, that I keep on to cover up scars from previous "showers", I set them in one of the sinks. I do the same with my right arm. I keep a stash of extra bracelets under the sink behind a bottle of lotion that no one uses. I have it there just in case I need to do an emergency cutting session. Like what's happening now.

  I grip the razor in my right hand. After glancing at the number of scars I have (5 on my left and 6 on my right), I put my arm over the sink. I'm getting ready to put the razor to a good use when I hear a knock at the door. Ashton? He's home already?! I didn't even hear him come through the front door. "Hey, Luke? You mind opening the door? I have to pee" I hear Ash say from the other side of the door. Shit. I look around me and see the razor in my hand, the bracelets in the sink, and steam from the shower. Thank god I had sweatpants on so if I walk out then he thinks I already changed. "Luke? You in there, bro?" Ash says. "Uh, yeah. Hang on I was just finishing up." I yell. I quickly hide the razor with the extra bracelets behind the lotion. I put my bracelets on that were in the sink. I pull my beanie down so it looks like I just put it on. I reach my hands under the water and put a bit of water over my visible body parts. I take my lip ring out so it looks like I haven't put it back in yet.

  I turn the shower off and wait 5 mins before opening the door. Ash looks at me weirdly. "What?" I ask. "Nothing" he shakes his head. He walks into the bathroom and closes the door. I walk into my room and look in the mirror. I see my tear stained face staring back at me. That's why he looked at me all weird. I sigh. I put my lip ring on. When I'm done screwing on the last ball that keeps the ring from falling off, I turn around and see Ashton staring at me in my doorway. "Why were you crying?" He asks. "I wasn't" I say. He raises his eyebrows. I think quickly. "I stubbed my toe in the shower and my eyes started watering cos it hurt so bad" I lie. He started laughing. I blushed. "Okay" he said still laughing. When he closed the door behind him, I went and lied down on my bed. I was about ready to fall asleep when Ashton bursts into my room. He's sobbing waterfalls. "WHAT THE HELL, LUKE?!" He screams at me. Shit. Did he find out?!

  "Ashton, I-" I start to explain. But when he holds up a single pink lace bra, I stop talking. What the fuck? "ARE YOU CHEATING ON LILA?!" He screams again. Okay, I have never cheated on Lila. How that got here, I don't know. "WHAT? NO WHY WOULD I CHEAT ON HER?!" I yell at him. Your probably thinking, "okay well ash has a right to get upset, but whys he crying?". Him and Lila have been best friends since Kindergarten. That's how I met her. And before you think that he likes Lila, he's actually the one that told me Lila would be a perfect person for me to get involved with.

  "WELL LILA IS A FUCKING VIRGIN. AND YOU KNOW THIS, LUKE! SO I KNOW THAT THIS ISN'T HER'S! AND LILA HATES THE COLOR PINK! HER ENTIRE CLOSET IS BLACK, GREY, DARK BLUE'S, RED'S, AND WHITE." He yells back. That is all true. Lila is 18, same age as me, hates pink, and is a virgin. She wants to wait until the best-as-possible moment. And I support her decision to not rush into anything. It's her first time, so it has to be cherished and special. I never ask her or pressure her.

  "WELL ITS SURE AS HELL NOT MINE!" I scream. "WHATEVER, LUKE. YOU ALWAYS WENT FROM ONE GIRL TO THE NEXT BEFORE YOU MET LILA. I KNEW IT WAS A MATTER IF TIME BEFORE YOU WENT BEHIND HER BACK. AND YOU PROBABLY GOT UPSET COS ITS SUPPOSEDLY BEEN A YEAR SINCE YOU'VE HAD SEX. YOU HAD TO GO CHEAT ON HER BECAUSE SHE WOULD'NT LOSE HER VIRGINITY YET." He yells louder. I go silent. He knows not to mention my life before Lila. "FUCK YOU, ASHTON. IM GOING TO CALUMS PLACE UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN AND REALIZE THAT IM NOT LYING" I scream at him. I push past him and grab a duffel bag from the hall closet. I throw some clothes in the bag and grab a toothbrush before I get my phone and car keys. When Ashton isn't paying attention to me, I grab some more bracelets from my nightstand drawer in my room.

  I have a final plan. When Calum leaves me alone at home, I'll grab a knife and sit in the shower so blood can drain out of my body. I will leave a letter for Lila. I bring bracelets just in case something changes in between now and then so I can do a quick cut and throw on a bracelet.

  But I don't think anything can change my mind now. No one and nothing ever will.