I miss you.
Much more than I thought I would.
It's overbearing.
I almost can't take it.
I keep collapsing.
A few times a day I just completely fall apart.
I blame myself.
Is it my fault?
I was only trying to help,
But like always,
I made it worse for you.
I didn't think of the consequences,
I only acted.
I ruined what we had.
I ruined it all.
I regret it,
But at the same time,
I don't.
I don't know nor do I want to know what might have happened
If I hadn't told.
I was afraid I would lose you
A different way.
A worse way.
A more permanent way.
I don't know if you'll ever forgive me, or if in time I'll forgive myself.
Just remember,
I did it not to hurt you,
But to protect you.
To help you see,
To guide you in the direction I thought to be the right way.
In the moment, I did what I thought would help you.
Maybe someday we'll be able to see it each other's ways.
I hope I don't lose you forever.
I can't live without you now.
I miss you.
So much.
