you see me

the first phase●

The first phase of 1 million thoughts make me sick. They make me lay in bed thinking endlessly about why i should be alseep when in reality im still awake. No matter how hard i try i manage to stay awake. The first phase starts with being paranoid. Beung paranoid is the last thing i want to be. It scares me to the last shivering bone in my body. Scared of the world, scared of living, scared of anything really. It doesnt bother most people. Being paranoid of trusting someone with a deep secret is hard. Being paranoid of failing a simple math test. Being paranoid of wearing the dress you always wanted to wear for the longest time. Thats what scares me. Another part of the first phase is doing less and less of everything you loved to do. Nothing hurts people more than seeing what they once called a hobby turn to something they dont like doing. Locking yourself in your room while, sitting in bed thinking about the world. Thats the first phase. Nothing speccial i guess