H-h-hello crush...if you are reading this(and i hope so),i want you to know the following: I never wanted to harm you,betray you,make you feel the inferior one and more mistake i may have made... We argued about my staying on phone(me doesnt know too much english when he is depressed) when we're out,and i made you angry...i gone with the boys,and you gone home...in the first moment i taught that you went to get your bike...after an hour,i realised the painful truth...i pretended that nothing happened just to not worry my friends...when i gone home,in the first seconds i grab the hand on the phone and wrote you an "apology"(again,me doesn know too much english right now)letter...i saw you seen it,so i realised the answer...i was hardcore gaming(my hobby that helps me resist things)some hours...when i gone to the bed...i saw one thing.The poster you gave me at my birthday,and a photo line along it,that we made when we went to the mall together...then i found something while browsing on Youtube...a sad song called Heavy Rain-Painful Memories...i kept thinking about these things,with this song in my head,and began to cry...for real now,a bit too much for my age...i got out of my bed after a short few mins,while looping the same song,i was going to the balcony door...and slowly touched the glass(imma weirdo xD)i looked around my room...i found something...the ipad charger...i taken it...and tried to do the thing...but i stopped...because i knew God doesn like it...He gave me hope...i got back in my bed and started to write the chapters... And i wanna apologize...for being a mistake of the Earth...for being a parasite...a nothing...i've been such a fool to promise you i will be a better person...i did even worse...i failed myself...and disappointed you...and now because of all this,im in depresion...all i want to tell ya is that i love you,and i want to make you proud of me...but im too weak...actually,the depression doesn mean im weak...means i've been too strong...but i dont get it...i feel like i did nothing...but i was struggling...without feeling that struggling pain...until now...this is my first true depression...and now i know how you felt...im just sorry for being a fool...i thought i was strong...but im very weak...all i want is to live a happy life with you,but i think thats impossible from now on...how could you ever forgive me...after all the lies?!All the bullshit i didn know i was talking about?!About being me?!Im just an useless piece of garbage...i just wanted you to know that...because i wiould never lie to you ever again,i will never do the same mistake...today i learned a life lesson...and i must pay the price...with all that said...i hope you still can talk with me,at least that...and yes,i think im goin crazy if im doin this at 2:45 but eh this is meh...
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