Dork Diary Part 1: What is life?

Friday, March 20, 2014 8:26 pm

So I'm just sitting here, alone, with the lights out, thinking about the cosmos and infinite universe we live in. Don't you think it's cool how at any moment our lives could be destroyed, like turning off a TV at the push of a button? How one moment we could be discussing the difference between rainwater and regular water, the next we could be chillin' in a steel box at the local morgue? I think it would be good to know when you die, so you have time to do all the things you've ever wanted to do, like cooking roadkill or eating Playdough, but not how, in case you get killed by a bus and, until your dying day, have an anxiety attack whenever you see one. There's some trippy shit for you to think about. I'm gonna sleep now. Night.

Saturday, March 21, 2014 7:43 am

I think today is a lucky day. First I found crumpets in the toaster, which is almost unheard of since we're far too simple to afford anything other than cornflakes and the occasional box of Fruit Loops. Then I saw that my cartoon had been published on the front page of the Daily Prospectus, it's actually quite impressive considering the amount of fingers I broke trying to sharpen the damn pencils to draw it. Next I noticed that mom hadn't turned off the WiFi last night, which means I can still download crappy concert videos and Asian pop music for 8 hours until she gets home. It's also a weekend, which is a bonus. I suppose today I'll be hangin' with friends by the pool drinking Margueritas and playing ping pong. Which might actually happen if I wasn't a sociopath, had something a little bigger than a foot spa, wasn't under 18 and had a ping pong table that didn't literally 'pong' of an unknown substance. I do have a brand new basketball, so I should probably make good use of the sunshine while it stays, which won't be for long. Seattle doesn't see the light much.

Sunday, March 22, 2014 5:02 pm

Suddenly the whole frickin' neighborhood grew a pair of Crocs overnight, how did I miss this? I always feel like my family is so excluded from society. Like once, I came to Costume Day at school wearing what I thought would be the most on-trend article of clothing that everyone would wear, turns out fingerless gloves haven't even been close to cool for decades. I'm happy to say I threw them in the bin immediately. Since then I've been pretty aware of what other people have on their backs, but Crocs? Really? Nobody's worn them since preschool, now they're the only shoes in sight. This town is so backwards.

Tuesday, March 24, 2014 1:56 pm

Sorry I didn't post an entry yesterday, we had a fitness exam, had to do press-ups and all that stuff, so my arms weren't capable of typing so much. My autocorrect also can't be bothered filling in the commas for some words so I have to do it manually, which is just the worst thing. So right now it's lunchtime, and the shit went down this morning, that's for sure. These two girls called Karma (stupid name, and she's a bitch) and Annabeth both wanted to sit by Michael (class pretty-boy, total peacock) but Ms. Davidson asked Julia to sit there (class nerd, basically, not to mention the ugliest). Michael didn't really notice her, but he kept teasing Annabeth across the room and talking to her. This pissed off Karma big time, so the moment the lunch bell rang she took a swing and landed her right on the nose, blood everywhere. Annabeth's still crying. So yeah, that was my day. But I'll have to go now, Billy's eating tree bark again. He's a bit strange that kid, suffering from posttraumatic stress, his parents died 2 years ago and now he lives with his gran. I do feel sorry for him sometimes, but other times he just does it for attention, like right now. Even mental people don't eat bark. Okay, bye.

Wednesday, March 23, 2014 3:34 pm

We were told during homeroom time today that the junior ball will be held next month, 26 days away to be precise. I'm not exactly the favorite when it comes to girls, but considering the average attractiveness of the girls in my class, I may have to lower my standards a little. There is this one girl though, Jessy. She's pretty, not in the Marilyn Monroe blonde-type way, but nice enough. I don't think she has any interest in Michael either which improves my odds greatly. But since she's by far the most attractive, I better ask her...soon.

Thursday, March 24, 2014 6:40 pm

I asked Jessy to the ball today. By the look of it, she had to reject a lot of people beforehand. I made sure I looked extra nice, I brushed my hair and teeth, added a bit of gel (helps with swag factor, I reckon) and made sure to wear my cleanest, least-worn converse as well as a spray of perfume. Well, not perfume, more like Man Musk. I had been rehearsing what to say to her the night before. At first it was a disaster, I kept stuttering and every word sounded like a cry for help. I was feeling a bit more confident today, but I could tell she saw the slight tremble in my hands. Anyway, she still said yes. Not a big, over-the-top YES, but it is what it is.