Forgiveness

"Clarke, wake up, there's something wrong with Bellamy," Monty says frantically, turning on the lights in Clarke's room.

Clarke sat up in bed. "What do you mean?" she asks groggily. "He was right-," she stops herself. Looking at the empty side of the bed next to her, Bellamy's side, she sees it's empty. And of course, no one knows that they're sleeping together every night.

It's not like they're "sleeping" sleeping together every night.

Okay, fine, sometimes they are, most nights they are.

Other times, though, like tonight, they fell asleep to the sound of each other's voices.

Panic starts to rise in Clarke as she jumps out of bed and bolts out the door with Jasper, not bothering to grab a sweatshirt.

"What happened?" she asks as they jog down the hallway.

"I was doing my nightly rounds. You know, locking everything up, making sure everyone was accounted for. I found him in the med bay. He was sitting on the floor clutching his chest, and he said he couldn't breathe."

That makes Clarke jog even faster to get to the med bay. When they arrive, Bellamy is right where Monty said he was. He's sitting with his back against the wall between two beds.

The panicked look on his face makes Clarke's heart drop, and she knows immediately what's going on.

She stops Monty at the door. "I can handle this by myself, Monty."

"But, what-,"

"He's having a panic attack," Clarke explains, voice low. "Thank you for getting me, but I've got it from here."

Monty looks past her at Bellamy and then nods before leaving. Clarke closes the doors behind him and then walks over to Bellamy.

His breaths come in short gasps. "Clarke- Clarke, I can't breathe," he gets out.

Bellamy's eyes are watery, and his face is red and splotchy. Clarke's heart breaks even more.

"Okay, shh," she says, kneeling down in front of him. She rests her hands on his knees that are pulled to his chest. "Bellamy, look at me, okay? Right at me." His wide, fearful eyes meet hers. "Take some deep breaths for me. I'm right here, you're safe. I promise."

He takes a few deep breaths but something snaps again, and he goes right back to how he was before. "I can't – I can't..."

"Yes, you can," Clarke says forcefully. Bellamy tries again and is more successful this time. "There you go, that's it."

A few tears fall out of Bellamy's eyes, and he's quick to brush them away.

"I'm okay, I'm fine," he says, voice cracking.

He starts to try and get up, but Clarke presses her hands into his knees to keep him on the ground. He's trying to be tough, and she can tell, but here's the thing about Bellamy Blake: he's "tough" all the time. The fact that Clarke is witnessing him break down means something.

"Hey," she says softly. "We need to talk about this."

He shakes his head. "No, we don't. Really, Clarke, I'm fine."

The pain is still in his eyes, and under no circumstances is Clarke going to let Bellamy get up until she sees that change. Even if it's just for a second.

"Bellamy, you're not fine. How long has this been going on?"

"It doesn't matter."

Her eyes widen. "Of course it matters. Why would you think it doesn't matter?"