truth | park jihoon

14

so i decided to end this book in 15 chapters + an epilogue :) but please anticipate these 2 long and pretty angsty chapters! :D

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a few weeks later, the authorized evaluators had decided to put us (as in yesung, hyuntae & i) to the a class. the main reason was because it is mainly vacant, as the previous male trainees (the newly debuted group astro, in that means including sanha and minhyuk) were given a private practice room for themselves because they were basically on their own different schedules. with no doyeon around, yoojung simply became an easy replacement, alongside with jung haerim and lee soomin.

but because the previous female trainees from the a class were not transferred anywhere, that means there's no available spots for the trainees from b class to be in. for the first time, i was separated from kim yeonjoo without our own consent.

not having her wasn't the problem, facing the fact that she has been here longer than me yet i have now achieved a higher grade than her was. i do have to admit that she deserves a higher grade than me any day, as she puts effort in her training and she has never disappointed the dance trainers. i guess luck wasn't a lot for the both of us.

besides, with the thought of leaving still lingering in my mind, i don't think it's fine for me to be relieved yet.

it was around the beginning of june, precisely 4 months of me being a part of this agency, and my willingness of being here was slowly draining out. even the other trainees notice that, and they started asking me what was wrong.

i was bad at hiding my feelings, and not letting my thoughts consume me. that was the problem i have been having for the past few weeks, even in the condition when everyone seems to be fine. why am i having trouble with myself? why am i not comfortable?

good thing mark was there (after a full month of promoting) to give me a day of healing. just like what we've been planning, yeonjoo, mark, eunji & i scheduled a movie night together, watching the new anticipated captain america movie that we all have been debating since god knows when. mark and i came with (a very shiny) suitlike outfit that had captain america's logo in it, strikingly takes the attention of the people around us. the girls only wore red themed outfits.

"even our costumes are better," mark said proudly.

yeonjoo huffed a breath. "you look like clowns."

"you look like you're going to die in a bull chase," i remarked.

it was fun though, because we all had connections with each other and there were no misplaced awkward moments that we experienced. i was glad i could meet people who can make me this comfortable, it made me feel like i was really accepted not because of my looks and skills but because of myself. this was also the best way to get myself away from the excessive uncomfortableness i was feeling in fantagio.

"jihoon, just for the record: you spilled all your popcorn on my lap during the fight scene." eunji reminded.

"no, i did not!"

"what, so it just flew by itself?"

i maliciously pouted. "i say yes in the power of vision."

surprisingly, i had trouble talking to yeonjoo at the end. let's just say that we rarely talked after i was moved into the a class, and her mother said that it is best for her to go to the training center by herself with her new driver that her mother hired. they asked me if i wanted to come with them (besides, it's more effective to go with a driver as you don't have to pay for anything) but i refused, as i believed i could create such troublesome for them i don't want that. but because of that, let's just say i had all my connections disabled from kim yeonjoo.

it's also my fault. i didn't do anything to talk to her, and she was the one who starts the conversations these days. something in my mind just wanted to ignore her for a while, though not intentionally, as i didn't want her to see me in such a troubled state where i have no idea what to do.

that's good, that means i have more time to think about my decision.

i explained all my problems to both mark and hyeop so that i could have different opinions, and they both told me to ask her how she feels about me and if it's the same. if you're fighting for love that you are not sure it exists, it'll be such a big loss at the time end. i should not make any crucial move before i get an assurance from her.

"hey, yeonjoo?" i came up to her during lunch break, when she was taking books from her locker. it was the best time, as her other friends were already in the cafeteria waiting for her.

"yes?" she looked at me. "ah, this is a strange sight after you ignoring me for the past few weeks."

my eyes widened. "ignoring you?"

"yes, that's what you've been doing, right?" she stared at the cover of her book, unable to look at me in the eye. "every time i try to come up to you, you always back away. every time i wanted to visit you in a class after practice, you're always gone home early. i don't know what's the meaning of 'ignoring' in your dictionary park, but that is for me."

"i'm sorry."

"i'm not asking for an apology, i'm asking for a reason." she said calmly, yet her fingers were fidgeting on her skirt. i didn't know that i affected her this much, and i thought she was doing well without my presence. "is this what you do to the people find your interest on at first? make them feel comfortable and leave them there like nothing has happened?"

i sighed. "i know i haven't been talking to you.. but that doesn't mean i have forgotten you."

"yoojung said that you've been awfully quiet too during practice." she continued, her head slowly raising. "i don't understand what's going on with you."

"i have my own problems." i asserted. "besides, when did you care? few months before you barely gave a damn about my well being. using me for good scores. what gives now, kim?"

she fell silent. "that's what friends do right? tell each other their problems."

it hurt me on how i had to respond to her this coldly, but i couldn't help myself. i had to control my feelings before i fall deeper for her, resulting a worse ending for the both of us. "how about this," i took a breath. "you'll be training today, yeah?"

she nodded frankly.

"how about we walk together to the subway station for today?" i asked softly. "and from there, we could talk."

she paused for a moment before she nodded and had her head raised, her eyes finding mine. "yeah, that'll be nice."

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