The Bipolar's Diary

13

"The probability of separate worlds meeting is very small. The lure of it is immense. We send star ships. We fall in love."

***

29th January, 2002...

They told me that thirteen is a bad luck number. But this is the thirteenth day since I first talked to you, diary.

Since the big change in my life happened. Since my birthday. I'm now seventeen years and thirteen days old.

But today, bad luck hasn't followed me anywhere. They're nowhere to be found. Except, my faith in choosing suicide as a way out of my problems is fading.

Yesterday, he gave me a relief and made me understand that at least; someone had ever experienced a little slice of my sufferings.

I'm not alone in this struggle. So today, in return, I visited him at his house. Yet, he's surprised. If yesterday he came in and asked my help in maths, today, he taught me how to play soccer.

We shared stories about the bipolar disorder. Although I doubt it, perhaps he is one of the bipolar sufferers.

And at the same time, he is one of the few who conquered the illness. Perhaps, the state of his damaged mental isn't as severe as mine.

But in whatever phase, better or worse, it's still bipolar. And it's still torturing. I knew it from the honesty I met in his eyes when he told me his story.

I consider it as a true story. I am quite surprised of the way I acted natural in his house, though. Answering all the questions his mother gave me briefly and truly.

He, however, mentioned once that he's somehow, betrothed to a lady he himself hasn't knew. He told me that once he finished his high school study...

They're about to engage. His parents planned him to graduate from university after four years (I doubt his capability but I don't say it).

And after he graduated, he and that stranger girl will immediately get married. Wow, such a sweet strange story, is it not?

At least, I'm glad my parents are two of the followers of Love is Universal theory. I can't stand having my Charles Redwood walking down the aisle with a girl he never knew.

With his forced and fake smile, he's ought to build a family with no foundation of love at all. Can we simply fall in love at first sight with a stranger?

Love doesn't come easy, pal.

***

I don't believe in love at first sight, because it means you're falling in love with someone's appearance, not personality.

***

Indeed I don't. The bond I've been feeling and hiding for him all these times, today, when I step closer to him, gets stronger than ever.

I have no idea what to do. Perhaps, I'm still going to go for suicide. But, no thanks. Not now. Not today, and not tomorrow.

I still have someone to love and someone who loves me. I'm not sure yet, but no. Not tomorrow, I just can't.

Yes, tomorrow, I'm going on a tea hour at the cafe with him.

Have a nice sleep, diary.