waiting | jimin

Winter

I saw her leave the airport. I saw you leave me behind for a job in America. I told you I could support us. I guess I wasn't enough. The way you didn't turn around and wave back to me. Did I do something? Did I do something wrong? I stood there, I saw you get onto the plane. Although I couldn't see the inside, I could imagine you in your seat, pulling out your headphones to block out the noises around you.

I felt as if you didn't care. You probably took that job to get away from me. Us. 'Would she find someone new?' I thought. 'Will she remember me when she comes back?' I thought. Those were the thoughts I had that night. The terrifying thoughts suffocated my mind, I could barely breathe. I ignored people around me, including my close friends. The thought of us was horrifying me. I allowed the cold wind to swallow my mind.

All those nights I stayed inside, I had to plaster a happy face on me so people thought I was fine. Happy. Breathing. Alive. I was none of those things. Everyday you were gone I tried to call you, Skype, face time, anything to see or hear you again. You left me on voicemail. The only words I was able to hear was, "Sorry, can't pick up right now, leave a message!--" Then there was a beep, I sent you so many voice messages, those were the only words I could hear from your voice.

Then beep.