the sydney diaries

"what if i go?" - mura masa

sydney's p.o.v.

the camera panned clockwise around the crowd that swarmed cameron's pale body as he walked. he had determination engraved onto his face as he continued his path to jaeden's character.

the music was low in the studio, so it made it hard for me to watch the extras dancing on the screen. it bothered me despite knowing they would fix it in post, making it seem more real.

this was the second week of filming the movie based on my book, the happy love. today, the set was built into a night club, and the boys are planned to have a fist fight somewhere in the next two scenes.

i, in particularly, wasn't very fond of this idea. mostly because i love their faces too much to see them in a bloody mask full of makeup, but then again, the idea of them fighting over someone was sexy.

i turned my attention back to the screen and watched them pathetically. i'm so attracted to both of them, but they don't even notice me.

"what're you doing here?" cameron asked loudly into jaeden's ear. his masculine build stood over him sitting in the barstool.

"what does it like i'm doing here?" jaeden's character responded sarcastically.

they are supposed to be fighting over a girl they've both fallen in love with. i sigh wishing that were me.

"you can't keep drinking because of her," cameron said to jaeden strictly, taking the bottle of beer from in front of him, pouring whatever still remained inside of it at his feet.

"you going to pay for that?" jaeden asked him aggressively.

"come on, we're leaving."

"no, i'm not going anywhere with you."

"dammit, i said we're fucking leaving!" he declared as he grabbed jaeden roughly by the back of his shirt and pulled him towards the exit.

"cut! we'll pick up there for the fight scene in ten!" the director yelled, and cameron let go of jaeden, patting the wrinkles out of the back of his shirt.

i watched them walk off of the screen in front of me to the food table. now is my chance, i thought, i could go talk to the both of them at the same time.

what would i say though? could i just tell them good job? thank them for portraying my book characters so perfectly? thank them for being so gorgeous? tell them to fuck me up? ask them to gang ba-

"hello, earth to sydney!" my thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the director, portricia, who was waving her hand in front of my eyes. "haha, sorry to interrupt, you were just starring at the snacks. anyways, how are you liking things?"

i looked at her before finding the words to answer. "uh, they're good so far, i really like the cast," i say turning my gaze back to the two men i think i'm in love with.

"okay, well that's great," she laughed, "and if you're feeling hungry just go grab some food."

"i will." i smiled softly, still looking at cameron and jaeden, not even paying attention to if she was still in front of me.

my phone buzzed, so i decided to check it, just in case it were actually something important. i turned on the screen just to see a sprinkle of jesus notification.

when i picked my head up from it, i no longer saw cameron and jaeden, and disappointment washed over me.

i turned my head to the screen that the camera projects its recordings on. they were already back on set. this is the last scene of the day.

"fight scene, take one, in three, two, one, and action!" they had started.

cameron had jaeden by the back of his shirt again, throwing his lanky body onto the street.

i remember writing this part of my novel, the street fight between the two lovers of the main character. seeing them act it out was so attractive to me and every part of me wished it were real.

i continued to watch them brawl, losing myself in my imagination, and as my mind raced with inevitable thoughts the scene passed quickly.

"that's a wrap for today," portricia hollered, "i'll see everyone tomorrow, bright and early!"

i was saddened to hear we were finally done with today because now that's one less day i have with the two men i want to be mine.

i could hear my stomach growl considering i hadn't eaten all day, caused by my fear of confrontation with cameron and jaeden.

i walked to the snack table and stared eating what was left of the not-so-fresh fruit.

"hey, are there any strawberries left?" i heard a male voice from behind me ask, knowing it was cameron's. i froze mid chew of the last strawberry.

"idiot, do you think there are any left? it's the end of the day." another voice responded, jaeden's, causing me to be even more petrified.

slowly finishing the red fruit, i spun around on my heels, and swallowed.  "that was the last one." i mumbled, pointing to my mouth.

"what'd you say?" jaeden rudely asked.

"that was the last one," i answered, clearing my throat.

"oh," cameron looked at jaeden,"what is left?"

"there's nothing left, like i fucking said."

i looked away from them, trying to sound out their bickering. without noticing jaeden pushed passed me, making me bump my hip on the snack table.

wincing, i looked between the two of them multiple times until i finally rested my eyes on cameron picking at the food left.

"don't mind him," he smiled, causing me to melt, "he's just mad because my character kicked his ass in that last scene."

"you can kick my ass." i thought in my head, getting interrupted by cameron bursting out into laughter.

"what'd you say?" he asked, still laughing.

"i didn't say anything."

"oh, okay, i could've swore i heard you say i could kick your ass."

i could feel the blood rushing to my face, probably making it as red as his hair. i had to get out of there.

"oh, um i just remembered i had a meeting to go to, bye." i said quickly, grabbing my things, and walking away from him. all i could hear was a light chuckle behind me as i walked out of the studio.