Moments with you

They said long distance isnt real.

I remember the first day I met you
Only because I went back and looked
Because I felt like you worth looking back on
And I felt like you were worth keeping
Worth the work
The time
The effort
And the hardships
It would all be worth it
For when when I could finally see you

I pictured us in the same bed
And I touch your face ever so softly
So that I could not disturb you
Because I could imagine so perfectly
How peaceful you could sleep that night
As I counted your deep lively breaths
And I pictured us in a make believe house
Doing things that were so unsociable
But things that everyone will do
Only this time it was different from everyone else
Because it was just me and you

I kept Imagining the glory of basking in your presence
Because your presence was my glue
Only glue
Because it was something that was made for the purpose of making me whole again.
Like you were the last piece to my puzzle
Because that's what puzzle pieces do.
Fit perfectly to each other
I know that the puzzle pieces fit perfectly together
Because they're polar opposites
Like then ends of magnets
You compelled me to you
Because you were simple and I was crazy
You were safe and I was dangerous.
Just like after my therapist asked me what I thought when he said peanut butter
And I said jelly
Just like I couldn't think of myself without you.

I remember the first day I met you
I remember the date
Because that date was supposed to be my death
Yes
Planned
I knew what I was doing
Until I met you
So I put the pills back where they belonged
On the top shelf of the medicine cabinet
Because for once it was you
Who made everything okay again
And I saw beauty in what was not yet there
Because for some unknown reason
You were just so easy to talk to
And I missed that

I remember thinking
The only thing that wasn't okay was that I didn't know you.
Like you were God's way of telling me
"I'm sorry"
Like he couldn't make up for the times he couldn't be there for me
He chose you to do it instead
Because you could make all the scary things beautiful again
And I never understood how you did it
When every day I struggled to get out of bed
You made me realize
People don't have to hurt every day
And I didn't always have to sing the blues
Like when people asked me if I was fine
And saying okay was just:
"I have no clue"
Saying okay was something I knew

I remember how you made the dark seem less scary
Because sometimes making love was more romantic in the dark
Like blindly exploring something new
I could now know you like the back of my hand
And remember how you smelled
Without ever seeing you again
Like I could travel your in your eyes without getting lost
Or trace drawings on your skin
Like paper and ink making goosebump tattoos
Just the fact that I could make your body react to me gave me pride
Because I knew you felt for me as I do you

I remember how you made me love the cold again
I was suddenly okay with it
Because I could feel my body in the cold
I could touch the tip of my nose
And know it to be just as cold as my finger
I could feel me
Oh my god I could feel again...
Holy shit I must be dreaming...
I met you when it was 3 days before Christmas
Christmas is during winter
And the winter is cold
And you made the cold seem beautiful again
You made the cold worth being in
Because in the winter I felt okay again
In the winter I fell in love for the first time
And all I started to want for Christmas was you.