My Rants

Lost

December 22, 2013 1:48 am

I want to start over. Somewhere far away where no one knows me. No expectations, no one that knows me well enough to have complete faith in me. No one to let down. I'm tired. Tired of all the fake people. I'm scared with where I am now I might end up like them, lose the real me. I'm confused. My priorities, ethics, morals they are unique I have yet to meet a person who thinks the way I do. Is that how everyone feels. I know we never completely fit in but is it to much to wish for someone who will listen to me and actually get how I am feeling. Someone who finds the some things important, the same things I do. I know this guy people think he is a total creep I just started talking to him. Social status wise we are worlds apart but I feel like even though I've only had 2 conversations with him they have been genuine. That's more than I can say for most of the conversations I've had this year. Not that my friends aren't great, they are, but they only understand some aspects of me and my life. I feel like this guy embodies the way I've felt and continue to feel. The culture clash I am seeing right now is tearing me apart. It was never this bad before. I don't know who I am anymore, it's like I've been shaping myself into who everyone wanted me to be. My mom recently had a conversation with me about how all my family friends trust me more than their own children, like why are you telling me this? Don't get me wrong, it's nice they have so much faith that I will never do any wrong, but now I feel like I can't let them down and it's scary. I always denied it but I think I truly am an ABCD. ( if you don't know what that is you don't need to know) I want to meet someone completely new, don't want to fall in love, but I won't be cursing it if it happens. I want to get to know everything about that person and tell them everything about myself, I want to know that there is one person on this Earth who truly and completely knows me.