I lay in a bed of my insecurities weeping for things that will never change.
I make up scenarios in my mind that I know will never happen.
My shyness is a curse for I can't look the opposite sex in the eye.
I hardly smile for I believe there's nothing to smile for.
I fall into spells where my mind wonders of rebellion within myself.
I trap myself in my own hell wishing to get out.
I hardly ever feel pain anymore for emotions numb me.
Everything I create crashes like trains off their tracks.
I sit and listen to others conversations as I slowly die inside.
The child in me screams to be released but I ignore it,
For I'm not ready for change.
Every word I have written are things I'll never say,
Just feelings that are mistaken
But there is something beyond these written words for I write my sadness.
For when I'm happy I no longer shake.
When I'm happy I play and dance.
When I'm happy my eyes glow with excitement.
My smile would brighten the storm of others.
People would talk to me for hours when I'm happy.
My music sounds clearer and bolder.
I'm not afraid of sadness and im not easily angered.
Even though the times of happiness is rare for me.
Its like my whole world is seen through someone else's eyes and it's beautiful.
