Hey, long time no speak. Or see. Or text. Nothing. Just like that, I ended our friendship. I wanted it to bloom into something beautiful: maybe like a flower. Or maybe that was too clicheé. Just like what we had was. It was a summer time kind of thing. I was 13 and you were already 16. Already experienced. I wasn't even thinking about hugs when I met you. Of course I wanted to hug you and be a cute couple-thing with you. Then again, something deep down inside me told me to restrain myself. I'm glad I did. You were my first real heartbreak over nothing. You made it nothing. So I made it nothing. That night, when you told me you only saw me as a friend, it tore my heart a little. But only the part that you held. When you tried to piece it back together, I pushed your hand away, in fear of letting myself go. I couldn't do that to myself. I couldn't allow myself to get hurt further, seeing as my own thoughts led me to believe you felt something more for me. You made me not want to open up to anybody. You see, I saw you as a friend too. Yet, I saw potential for something else in you as well. I wasn't looking, but you found me. I'm glad things happened the way they did. I'm glad you came when you did. I'm glad I got to experience pain at a young age. It made me wiser and more aware of others' feelings toward me and themselves. Because, you see, I could read you like the open book you were, Sagittarius. You loved to be free and analytical, always sharing your knowledge of things you liked. You showed interest. So when I denied you, when you wanted our friendship back, you were hurt. Everyday I walked past you in the halls as if I never knew you existed. I know it pained you. I did see you though: you did still exist to me. I saw you everyday, staring at me from all the way down the hall up until you were right in front of me. Yet, I never spoke a word. I didn't even glance your way. I don't regret it. I still remember the look on your face: the guilt and pain you felt for hurting me. But I've forgiven you. I hadn't gotten over you until years later, when I finally realized that we were really, truly, nothing. Then again, I hadn't gotten over the things that could have been. You see, I hadn't liked you at first. But I felt pressured to have a crush on somebody, finally. Like I told you before, I wasn't looking. Yet there you were. And so I began to seek and what I found was great. We shared great laughs and walks together. Remember that time I timed you at the field while you flipped tractor tires? I had hoped that you didnt do that with all the girls you 'didn't like.' There was so much that I never said that left me with so many unanswered questions. I think that's what I needed most from you: answers to my never-ending questions that you always wanted to answer. Well, I'm glad that I am finally able to answer things on my own now. There's no need for you to guide me like a little grasshopper. I'm practically fully grown now. I can finally let go of what never was: what could have been. And even though I never said it, but rather showed it, I can finally say farewell: so here it is: a proper goodbye 💛.
