secrets ;zerkaa fanfic

6

Josh's POV

"you know you were very strong to show them off earlier." I said to her as she fixed the sleeves on her jacket, putting it on quickly to cover up her scars.
"thanks, I just didn't want to repeat the story six times."  she trailed off as she fixed her shirt.
"um if you need anyone to talk to I'm here for you and if you ever think about 'it' talk to me before you make the choice." I told her as I played with my own sleeves scared to let my own secret slip.

"ready to go guys?!" JJ said as the rest of the guys came down the stairs.
"yeah let's go." I said as I opened the door for Olivia and the others.

*time skip to after Nandos*

"I'm stuffed." I said while sitting down on the couch.
"me too." Vik said doing the same as me.
" same. I think I'm going to head to bed, see you guys in the morning." Olivia said as she made her way up the stairs.

"hey Josh, did you notice that Olivia ate a very small portion of her meal?" Vik asked me ask I played with my sleeves again.

"um hey a little bit. maybe she wasn't hungry?" I say as he looks at his phone.

"true well I have to go stream so night!" he happily said as he trotted up the stairs.

then there was one.

I was left alone with my thoughts taunting me.
'can't you see how useless you are! no one even wants to have a conversation with you!'
'stop it Josh' I whispered under my breath trying to wipe the thoughts away but they continued.
' they wouldn't even miss you if you left. you worthless piece of shit. your fans wouldn't care that you left, they'd be happy!'
'no they wouldn't! they care about me unlike my own self.' I whispered again and slowly began to keep up off of the couch and began my journey upstairs.

I stopped by the bathroom and saw the door opened slightly with someone inside and heard what sounded like crying. I walked closer and saw the scene of Olivia crying with some kind of object in her hand. oh no.

"Liv? is that you?" I asked quietly and opened the door slowly to reveal her crying with a blade hovering over her wrist.

"Liv think about what you're doing. put the blade down." I asked with a slight crack in my voice.

She slowly put it on the sink and ran to hug me. I held her tightly as she cried into my chest.

"I didn't want to do it Josh, my thoughts are just clouded a-and I needed a relief." she spoke with a shaking voice. I thought about my word choice before I spoke.
"I understand, I know what you feel like." I spoke quietly.

"what?" she asked confused.

I slowly untangled myself from our tight embrace and began to slowly lift my sleeve revealing my scars, my secrets.

"oh Josh you don't deserve to go through this." she softly said to me as i began to cry.

"and you don't either. I was actually headed to do the same as you..." I almost whispered to her as she wiped my cheeks.

"when was your first time to do it." Liv asked.

"um, three, four months ago." I looked down from her ocean blue eyes, ashamed for my actions. "you?" I asked.

"um three years ago." she spoke as a tear slide down her cheek. I wiped it away before she had the chance. Liv and I locked eyes and when we did I swear I saw a hint of happiness behind the brokenness.

"can I ask you something Liv?" I asked.

"yeah"

"um do you eat enough tonight?"

"yes I wasn't really hungry." she tells me looking at the ground.
"look at me at tell me then." I said
she looked at my eyes and told me "yes I wasn't really hungry. I was still upset about sharing our past."

"ok I was just making sure." I softly smiled at her. she smiled back.

"how about we get cleaned up and then you can come watch a movie downstairs with me." I asked her and she replied
"ok"

Olivia's POV

I did not want Josh to find out about my slight eating disorder. it was true my thoughts were clouded and that I was going to cut again, but he did not know that moments before he walked in I dumped yesterday's lunch down the drain.

I really didn't know why I felt the need to do it. it just kind happened.

I faked a smile as he asked if I had enough to eat tonight. I faked a smile as he talked to me at the table as we joked around with the others. this is the moment where I feel like I'm the most unhappiest girl and I have no idea why.

I left my thoughts and began to help Josh clean up the mess I made. at one point our hands touched slightly and it felt as if there was an electric shock between the two of us. we were so scared about what the other would do.

I smiled gently at him and he returned one as well.

I feel as if there is something more to him than just those scars on his arms. there is more behind those emerald green eyes that I will helplessly fall for each time I look at them. I am willing to give up everything I can to find out what his story is.

what his secrets are.