Chennai Diaries - All The Way From Bangalore To Anirudh

30th June, 2018 - The answer to my confusion

A few days ago, there were family friends wanting to visit our place and invite us for their son's wedding. My mom left for work. Me, done with my Boards, NEET and all the necessary shit to become a doctor, was the only house maid available. We never expected a 'crowd' of 6 men to enter our house, all tall and stiff, to invite us. So, it was a tiny girl, her dad and 5 deadly men in my house. I was asked to serve them coffee, and they all gave a death stare that I felt quite uncomfortable to handle.  For a formality, my dad asked them to have breakfast and the mouthbreathers settled in their places for  a longer time, making me feel even more hard to resist their presence. I made dosas, and as the chutney wasn't enough, I had to sacrifice my afternoon's sambar for them!

Having left the house, i abused them in all the beep words available on Earth to protest against the common men ka mentality and left to check the invitation card. I promised to myself that I wouldn't go for that marriage.

On opening the card -

WTH!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The marriage was in Chennai! 
The last two years have changed my life a lot. A damaged 3 storeyed building, broken English everywhere, infectious toilets, purifiers with toxic microbes and dead ants, a mental abuser under the post of principal who was busy giving mental trouble to the teachers who were paid more than him rather than making us study ( one among those victims being my mom) were all that surrounded me for a while. I have discovered the various extremes that my mind could reach during all heart breaking calamities that would occur admist half-minded humans. There were instances when I fainted of menstrual pain just after writing a NEET preparatory, staying quiet in front of the principal to make him experience the narccist me, to stay safe, and even calling the police to file a complaint against him, unable to bear the way my mom was illtreated. I learnt that the FIR required me in person and my name as proof. My hands were tied-up owing to my Boards and other examinations for which I was dependent on the college and the principal.

This brought me into the harsh reality, in contrast to the day-dreaming lifestyle of mine. No good soul can get me those old carefree days back! Those car episodes..Those portraits..My imaginations...But, this reality had it's list of advantages too! My mom was very proud of my discipline, and we rediscovered our love and attachment for each other after 13 odd years! Our financial instability forced her to go to work, without a break till now. But now, we would bunk classes together, go for window shopping, try new delicasies and even watch movies without my dad's knowledge! I have never felt so grown up and matured till now , ever in my life. The laziness has still caught me...I still imagine stories and feel forced to write them down. I have improved my method of story telling a lot and am able to understand the way cinemas work, to a satisfying extent rather than dreaming without realisation. 

.

.

.

This affected my visit to Chennai again.Chennai wasn't exciting this time. I was sleeping when we were driving in the city. I don't remember all the places that we stepped into. I even visited places that were hotspots for filming and still my adrenaline decided to remain laid back. And last but not the least, I never bothered to take those 'gifts' with me! Look how much I've grown up! The past two years have brought in me the patience and practicality of a 70yr old to be frank with yall.

At the end of the trip, I was taken to this very very very popular place that I always wanted to visit, Besant Nagar Beach! I felt a little bit of 'revival' in me there. I enjoyed every moment like an enthusiastic new born, frolicking ,running everywhere, collecting more number of shells..And I was so eager to buy a doll. That was when I realised the kid in me getting provoked again. The feeling was so dear..So comforting..But imaginations can't ruin my reality this time coz I've grown up!!!!!

After a great struggle to get an MBBS seat in Tamil Nadu, we got to know that I wasn't eligible for few reasons, and had to pass my next 5.5 years in Bangalore. This first heartbreak wasn't motivating enough to make me work harder for my AIIMS and JIMPER, coz I was felt so fed up having read the same set of books for 2 years. My NEET score wasn't good enough and my family started to consider other courses with job opportunities. This sudden turn affected my life drastically for the next few days. I sat before the pooja room and cried, pleading guilty for my negligence and promised all the Gods there, that I will be a very honest and hard-working doctor if I manage to get a seat despite my marks. This is probably the worst realisation in your life- the realisation that life's no more going to be the way you wanted it to be. But fate has it's own story to tell, and am a medico now! :)

 Am sure that I won't become the same old day dreamer in my future and rather be an observer and a dedicated student. What's the point in feeling guilty of not being able to do what you wanna do, right now? We can definitely chase our dreams, but we have got things to do. The stuffs that come our way, might be somebody else's lifetime ambition.. Who knows what life has for us? But making use of all that we get, will make us resistant to impatience(of wanting to achieve everything right now) and make us love all and get us the discipline to understand this world as it is. I have the confidence that I will turn out to be a director with lot of new stories to tell in the "medicinal way" unlike many. Coz I'm happy with this experience..Something which I won't get being film student, just understanding the existing grandeurs of cinema and how to write a script, or handle the camera. I'll experience a whole new world here.

.

.

.

So, by growing up, I found the answer to my confusion. The moral of my story would be -

Patience maybe bitter but it's fruit, very sweet! :)

.

.

.

PTO