PREFACE

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"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you."

Friedrich Nietzsche, "Beyond Good and Evil"

Preface

When the rain got me, I was still running along an unfamiliar street that seemed endless on both directions. Within seconds, the drizzle became a cold downpour that soaked me to the bone, plastering the thin shirt and jeans onto my body. My hair was sticking on my face, pricking my eyes like dozens of needles, but I didn't stop. Lost in a haze of despair, I could not comprehend the faint voice in my head that warned me to go back. I kept running away. Where I was heading, I could not tell anymore. Everything around me seemed strange and obscure; no houses, no shelter, only the perennial olive trees and the murky veil of rain. For the last two years in my life, every day, every minute, every second had been spinning around one single pivot; that rescue mission had been the only pivot of my new life. It had defined my actions, my thoughts, and my whole existence. I had gone a long way, overcoming any personal limit and fear, transcending time, only because I was fixed on a purpose. I had left my old life behind.

I had a life once.

Now, my mission was my life. A mission that had taken me far away from my family, my friends, my studies and my future. But I did not care anymore. I had chosen my destiny. It had always been about him. Christopher. He had turned his back on me and the pivot support had suddenly vanished. I had nothing to lean on. My whole life was collapsing. I was collapsing. There was no angel coming to my rescue this time.

A sharp pain in my chest blocked my breath, forcing me to stop. But I welcomed the pain, didn't want it to ease out. Strangely enough, it seemed to be the right thing to feel. This is how some people have died, right? Perhaps this could be the end...

"Hey, you're standing in the middle of the street!" a voice in my head shouted. "And that yellow light approaching is about to crash into you in minutes. Can't you hear it? You have to move to the side. Don't just stand there. It's a car! It's definitely a car and the veil of hale certainly does not help. MOVE!"

Then why wasn't I moving? Could I be waiting for the car to put an end to this excruciating obstacle race I had started?

I closed my eyes and held my breath as the roaring sound of the car approached.


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