Somnium

Desiderium

The human mind is an amazing thing don't you think? Hold a human brain and you hold a person's very soul. Everything they have been, wanted to be and could have been in the palm of your hand. You hold every decision and emotion, every experience of danger, love and life. People say that no two minds think alike.

They are right. I've seen it.

Many people believe souls are immortal; able to roam the earth forever. Many people think souls are fragile; one unforgivable fuck up and you are doomed to an eternity of pain and regret. Sounds grim but I think there's a certain beauty in weakness; like poetry.

I've watched this beauty develop and grow for half of my life in one way and the other half, an entirely different way. People change so easily; whether through joy or fear, better or worse. I get a front row seat.

I was always told not to interfere, not to manipulate their minds. The mind is a fragile thing. Once broken it's almost impossible to mend. And my soul was in the mix too.

But sometimes I believed rules were meant to be broken. Like a puppet master, addicted to performing, I couldn't help it. I had to pull the strings.

I thought I was doing good; saving people. I couldn't have been more wrong. I was a fool then.

"Once a soul is broken it can't be fixed." It seemed I had to learn that the hard way.

Everyone I met needed some form of help. Who was I to deny it?

I knew the risks of what I was doing. I knew it was unlikely that I would escape unscathed. But I never expected this.

I never expected mine to rip apart so easily.

It was dark here. I felt my surroundings implode around me. It wouldn't be long now until I was taken too. I was so selfless that I became almost selfish.

While I sit here, desperately cradling what shreds of my spirit are left, I am left with one question:

How can my soul possibly live on forever after what I have done?

Like I said: once broken, a mind is impossible to fix. Well, almost.