I was already terrified after the nightmares, but I think a real impact on my life was my first babysitter.
She was a bony women with long black hair and glasses, tall with a stiff face. She was cruel.
I don't remember a lot (fortunately) about her, but I do remember that whatever she did to me seriously hurt me. I was even more skittish than before, and when someone made a loud noise or scolded me I'd either bolt under the nearest table or start sobbing. My mother noticed too, but when she brought it up with my dad he brushed it off as nothing.
I remember running up the stairs
I remember begging her to stop hurting me
I remember screaming for my mother and banging on the door
I remember the fear and I remember the adrenaline rush
My mother fired her for whatever she did.
It wasn't until I was 12 that I stopped apologizing for any minor inconvenience
