How To Break A Butterfly

P R O L O G U E

Dear Milly,

It's crazy, it's been six months but I still miss you like crazy, I miss everything about you. How you could make me laugh when I'm having a bad day, the way you used to pretend you were the queen in car trips, how you always got me in some sort of trouble, but you always seemed to get me out.

What I miss most is how you were always there, because that's what we did, we were always there for each other. Through everything, and now that's over. I'm not sure I'm ready for that to be over. You have given me the best years of my life, and I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you for being there, thank you for convincing me to do stuff I'd never thought I'd do before, thank you for having my back, thank you for everything.

Most of the memories I have involve you, you always knew exactly what to say. Remember the time we camped out at the beach, sleeping in nothing but sleeping bags and hoping to be home before our parents realised we were missing? In the morning, we complained about how cold it had gotten, or how the sand had buried itself in our clothes and hair and we spent ages trying to get rid of it, but that was one of the best nights of my life.

Sometimes I wonder how I was lucky enough to get such a best friend as you, surely there was a hidden agenda to you hanging out with me? But there was none, we were just made to be friends I guess, and I thank my lucky stars I had you, that you were there for me when I fell.

Now it's time to let go, to let go of you, to let go of that, because you're gone. I don't think I'm ready to move on, or let go.

Everything has only gotten worse since you left. But I guess in some ways this is a good thing, I guess sooner or later I'm going to have to learn to stand on my own feet without you there holding me up.

Your number is still in my phone, I know I should just get rid of it, but it's comforting, even though you don't have that number anymore, it's so familiar though, even though the number has added off my recently called.

I know it would be better for me to move on, to stop crying, to stop waiting for you, to stop taking every different route I know of to avoid passing by your house because that was where my second home was, and now it's hard to see someone else's car parked in the driveway.

All I want to say, I guess, is I love you, and I am so grateful every day that I had the chance to know you. I really miss you, more than words could explain, but I hope your happy, and making new friends to give someone else the once in a lifetime friend, you were more to a friend to me, you were like my sister.

I really wish I could come visit you sometimes, don't worry, I'll look after Rover for you, his made himself at home in my room, but he misses you too, I can tell.

With lots of love,

Ali xxx