Choices

Chapter 3: Am I Ready?

The calm lake stretches out in front of me. Its beauty fills me with memories, followed by second-guessing. Did I make the right decision? Do I really want to go? Leave my home for someplace I know nothing about? Leave this lake and all of my memories of Jax? Leaving here makes me feel like I'm letting him go, something I haven't been able to do in the two years since his death, not that I've really tried. If I move on, all memories of him will be lost. I can't let that happen

Another voice in my head tells me that it's what Jax would want me to do. Still, I'm not so sure. The only thing keeping me from calling Jasen this instant and telling him I'm not going is the fact that Jasen thinks it is what's best for me, and Jasen is always right. He promised me nothing would happen, and he never breaks his promises. Yet, something bad always happens.

The sun finally starts to rise. Its color fills the sky, adding to the already beautiful scene. I pull out my camera, a remake of the old polaroids. Photography used to be my second love, right after Jax, and I used him for many of my shots. He was my muse, my inspiration. After he died, I put the camera away. The beauty I used to find in the world was gone. There was nothing left to shoot.

I had forgotten the camera until I found it the night before. I thought I try it out again, I wanted a picture of the sunrise to take with me. As the colors reach their peak, I pull the camera to my eye and start snapping pictures. As the prints feed out of the camera, I take a look and crumple them before throwing them into my bag. None of them are what I want.

The colors are almost about to fade, so I decide to try one last shot. Either way I way I'll keep the picture, but hopefully, I get the shot. I bring up the camera one last time and play with the lenses. It feels so natural even though it been so long since I've done it. I focus in on the water this time, I leave the sky as the background. I hold my breath as the print comes out. I take a look and almost squeal with joy. It's perfect!

In slip the print into my pocket right with the other picture of Jax and I. I put my camera back in my bag and start for home.

****

Jasen is sitting next to me on one of the old benches in the park, the same once from a few days ago when we met Jacklyn. The silence between is natural rather than awkward. Both of us seemingly okay with not talking. I'm just bracing myself for the next few days, or who knows, possibly years with Jacklyn flirting with every guy she sees. Talk about feeding the stereotypes.

They're fifteen minutes late when Jacklyn's tall, curvy figure comes into view, accompanied by her brother's much smaller stature. You can tell immediately when she gets a glimpse of Jasen because she throws her head back laughing. I know it's fake based on the concerned look on her brother's face.

Her brother, Mark, was the one who helped me make all the plans. I called him the day after we met with Jacklyn so that I could actually figure out what was going on. I needed to make sure Jasen and I had everything we need, and I sure as hell didn't trust Jacklyn to tell us.

As they get closer, I stand up. I nudge Jasen, who now has his face buried in his phone, to get him to follow. I reach my hand out to Mark as the get withing reach. He gives my body a once over and his eyes widen and lit up. He glances at Jasen and regains control before taking my hand.

"You must be Calla. Very nice to meet you," he says.

"You can call me Cal, everyone does, and it's nice to meet you too. This is my best friend Jasen," I say, motioning towards my friend. "Jasen, this is Jacklyn's brother Mark."

Mark's face lights up once again. His behavior fills me with suspicion. Great, I hope that he isn't as much of a flirt as his sister, otherwise there will be a single casualty, and it won't be an accident.