Twisted *Remus Lupin {completed}

Part five: The Beautiful and the Damned

Act one, part five

Remus returned to his common room feeling odd. He was happy that Evie was willing to accept this part of him, but did he want her to?

He threw himself onto his bed thoughtfully. He had a lot to think about, including what Evie had told him about her family.

He didn't want her to stay there, but what other choice did she have? Dumbledore could probably call the ministry to do something, but that would only make it worse for her. He would offer for her to stay with him, but he was a werewolf.

If finally sunk in to him. Evie knew. She knew he was a werewolf, and stayed by his side. Some part of him wanted her to run. Wanted her to stay as far away as possible from him. He didn't want to hurt her, and with her so close that was a terrifying possibility.

Sirius came into the dorm room to find Remus sitting on the edge of his bed, staring off. He looked conflicted, and scared, and relieved all at once. Sirius, James, and Peter sat on James bed, facing him.

"What happened?" Sirius asked, breaking Remus's stare. Remus cleared his throat before talking.

"I told her. Evie." He said simply, putting his hands back to there place by his mouth.

"And..." James prompted. He couldn't tell if this was a good or a bad thing to him.

"She told me that nothing could change the way she thought about me. That's- that's not the point." He answered in a gravely voice.

"Then what is?" Sirius asked kindly. They wanted to help there friend understand this, while Peter just sat there and watched.

"I want us to be more. I want that more than anything, but if she got hurt. I would never forgive myself. Its different than with you guys." Remus muttered out.

"How do you feel about her, Remus?" Sirius asked. The question took him by surprise, his tone of voice did as well. He sounded almost angry, but not quite.

"Sirius." James said warningly, not knowing where this was going.

"No. you say you want to be more with her, but what do you feel? Tell me exactly what you want with her, what emotion do you feel for her?" Sirius wasn't sure where he was going with this, but he was mad.

Remus says he wants to be with her but still hasn't acted upon it. Sirius wants more for Evie, he wants her to find someone who knows how they feel for her.  He wants to make sure what Remus feels isn't just lust.

"I don't want simple words either. Ill give you a second to think about what your about to say." Sirius said. He sounded impatient, but it didn't matter to him. He didn't need time to think about what to say.

"There is a line, from a novel I read forever ago, that I never forgot because it described Evie so perfectly." Remus said looking away from the group. ""She was beautiful, but not like the girls in the magazines. She was beautiful for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't  beautiful for something as temporary as looks. She was beautiful deep down in her soul"" Remus glanced back at the group who were sitting on the edge of the bed listening. He took a deep breath and continued in his own words instead of  F. Scott Fitzgeralds.

"Everything about her draws me in. Every moment I spend with her and every second we talk I feel myself falling for her more. When I see her, I never want to leave." The other marauders were listening intently, captivated by the emotion his voice carried and the weight the words had on him. There was no stopping the words coming out now. Remus held them inside for so long that now he was talking he couldn't stop.

"When she started sitting with me in the library in second year, because we were both too stubborn to give the spot up, I remember trying to talk to her. We sat at the same table for nearly a year before I got the nerve to speak to her because, Merlin, if I hadn't I would always regret it. She means so, so much to me now. More than I ever thought she would. I love her so much that it hurts. It hurts to look at her know that I love her, but could hurt her. Being with her would put her in danger, and that's something I don't want to do."

They were taken aback by his confession. They knew he liked her, sure, but not that he loved her. They could all tell that his feelings were true, though. They let him continue talking, since it appeared he couldn't stop anyway. His heart felt confession soon turned into a rage.

"Go get Evie, quickly." Sirius whispered to Peter, sensing that this was going to end in tears. Peter nodded and snuck out quietly, but Remus didn't notice. 

"She deserves someone better than me, but I don't want her too. I'm selfish for wanting her all to myself when it's clear I'm no good for her. I hate myself. I hate that I have this fucking disease. I'm a monster, and for what! I can't even look in the mirror for fucks sake. I am so disgusted with myself, with what I become every full moon. Why me? What did I do? What did I do to deserve this?" Remus started yelling, and at this point got up and started throwing things around and breaking and punching things.

The three friends sprung into action immediately, but Remus's werewolf strength kicks in when he's upset. They had all had there share of emotional breakdowns, except Remus. He was always the calm one, there to sooth his friends back into rational thinking. To see him this was, for the first time ever, broke his friends hearts.

He was the strong one of the group, always level headed and had his anger and emotions in check. He was known for not doing this kind of thing. Lashing out was something they never, ever, expected to see of him.

By the time they got Remus under control, the whole room had been trashed. The bed frames cracked and lamps knocked over. There were several holes in various places where Remus had thrown punches, smearing blood everywhere with his bloody, torn fists.

The only reason they were able to get him under control was because he had broken down crying. Sitting himself onto the ground with his head in his bloody hands.

In the struggle they hadn't noticed Peter arrive with Evie. They didn't know how long she had been standing there but she had Remus in her arms within seconds of him hitting the ground.

She held his head and rocked him back and forth as he cried into her chest, saying comforting words. Her heart broke to see him this way. Evie didn't know what had happened, and she didn't need too. She just needed Remus to be happy.  To see him this way, made her want to cry with him.

The boys were still in shock, as they watch their best friend cry his eyes out in Evie's arms. It was clear that Evie cared for him the same way he did, and hopefully that would be enough for Remus to except it.

Even though Remus's fate was twisted, Evie would always be there for him.