hopeless.

im kind of in love with you

He called me the next day and we talked for about 45 minutes. We didn't know each other that well, yet the conversation never reached a moment of awkward silence.

We texted everyday. We have only seen each other in person once, but we have this sweet, innocent relationship I cannot explain.

Facetiming you is the best. One day, during winter break, you ask me:

"This might be weird, but would you want to go get lunch some time?"

I can feel and see my face go red in the corner of my screen.

"I-I'd love to!"

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December 26th, 2016.

I was listening to music when I heard the door bell ring, and I don't think I've ever run faster to the door.

For Christmas you got me a p!atd tshirt and I got you fairy lights and some p!atd wristbands. We hugged and gave each other our gifts in my room. After that we left to go see a movie.

I'm sorry if I was staring at you most of the time. I couldn't help it. I probably had a really dumb look on my face, too.

After the movie we started heading towards your house. You had your head rested on my shoulder, and we were pressed next to each other.

My social awkwardness prevented me from talking, so I just texted you what I needed to say.

"I need to tell you something."

"What?"

"Well I don't know if I should say it. I don't want you to think I'm weird, or hate me, or whatever."

"I'm not gonna judge, I promise. There's no way I could ever hate you."

"I'll tell you before you leave."

I feel my muscles to buckle up and I'm worried I'm gonna have a panic attack. I shift away from you.

I quickly text my best friend.

"I'm gonna tell him."

"Are you sure?"

"I think so. I'm really nervous."

"Try to stay calm. Good luck ty!"

I shut my phone off and lean back towards you.

We arrive at your house. Your front door is locked so you have to ring the doorbell. As we wait, you look at me expectantly, staying quiet.

"I had a great time Tyler! Thank you so much."

"Me too, Jishwa!"

I momentarily forget that I need to tell you something, but then I see the lights in your house come on, signaling someone will be arriving to the door soon.

"Um, josh?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm kind of, like, in love with you."

A smile instantly appears and you look at me like you're about to respond.

But the door opens, and your mom is standing there.

"Goodnight Ty!"

My face feels flustered and hot but I manage to squeak out "Goodnight!"

I run back to the car and sit in silence for a few moments. I begin to hyperventilate and sweat. Why? Why did I do this? I ruined everything. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I slowly grab it and turn it on. A message from you flashes on the screen.

"I love you too."