Hire an Incubus

1.

It was a cold winter evening and Lisa was sitting on her bed, wrapped up in a blanket. She was trying not to look at the garish poster which had come through her mailbox earlier that day. She should have just thrown it in the trash but against her better judgement, here she was, sitting on the bed with an advertisement for the most out there organization she could imagine.

Hire an Incubus.

The organization's aims were very simple. To provide a service for men or women who were well, lonely is the best way she could put it. When the supernatural had started coming into the open and mixing with the human population, of course businesses like this were bound to start up, and by God did they. Incubi were sex demons and of course if they were living among humans, they would have to make a living and of course what better to make a living out of than what you did best?

Lisa felt strange about the whole thing, she felt no need to judge what other people did, it was none of her business. However she was almost certain that it was something that she would never do.

Yet here she was looking down at the glossy poster that was leering at her. 'Tired of human men?' It read 'Need something better in your life?' It questioned further, an illustration of a woman which resembled something one would see on a 50s poster. The whole poster had a 50s theme which was ironic considering how sleek and fashionable incubi were these days. You could pick them out from a crowd in the city, all tall and incredibly alluring. The poster was a cheesy yellow, which made the illustrations pop out. In a little bubble of text it read;

'Easy!

Fun!

Discreet!'

This was also painfully ironic too, how was this in any way discreet? They were literally shoving their advertisements through doors, everyone knew about them.

Nope. Lisa had decided, she didn't really mind the solitude that much, who cared if she hadn't been with a guy in ages? Certainly not her. There was absolutely no way that she was engaging in this, she didn't really have the nerve anyway. There was no way she was calling that number. It didn't matter how hard it was for her to talk to guys, there wasn't a chance she was going to to call that number. No way.

The phone rang for a few minutes before an operator answered. It was a woman, with a bright sunny voice, not at all seedy or sleazy like Lisa had imagined.

'Hello, this is Hire-an-Incubus, you're speaking to Debbie, how can I help you?'

Lisa's voice was shaky and embarrassed, she didn't know why but she felt quite awkward on the phone, she was probably about to sound rude to poor Debbie.

'Yes, um..hello, I'd like to...um avail of your services.'

From the smoothness of her response, Lisa figured that Debbie was probably very well used to dealing with awkward customers. Especially like herself.

'Yes, that's fine, there's just a few questions I have to ask if that's okay with you?'

'Oh yes that's fine!' Lisa said, finding her voice again.

Debbie proceeded to ask a few questions in relation to her being over 18 and her preferences in a partner, it didn't take that long and Lisa was convinced if it had have taken longer she would have hung up. It was strange sharing intimate details with a complete stranger and a demon at that.

'Andddd.. just your first name and address please so I can log you into the system, don't worry we're totally confidential, our call lines are very secured and we delete all information after your session has expired.' She could almost hear the saleswoman smile that was probably on Debbie's undoubtedly beautiful demon face right now.