Actual Shit That Goes On In My Life

Funny, right?

Isn't it just so funny when people give up right when you need them most?

Right when you're having a mental breakdown or something really shitty happens in your life the people who you turn to aren't there. They're somewhere else reading your texts but not replying, and you feel like shit yet you keep texting them and you feel so annoying so you just turn off your phone and distract yourself with something.

This something for me today was drawing. I didn't know I could turn one thing into something that every time I look at it I cry. I didn't know I was capable of turning a flower into all of my insecurities. Right when I finished and realized what I just did I started shaking like a madman. I don't know what happened to me but I guess I just got caught up in the moment.

Sometimes you just feel like shit for no reason and apparently that is today. I'm sorry for the rant but if you don't want to hear it you can leave because there's more.

First thing that happened was one of the most important people in my life not wanting to eat. Getting mad at me for telling her she needs to eat. THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! She didn't answer me and that's when I got really fucking pissed. This is an everyday thing with her and I love her but I'm sick of her bullshit. Sorry.

Listen. I know this is a lot and you probably really hate me right now but I just need to get this out.

I started to draw because I just needed an escape and I ended up drawing a flower. Then I guess I just wasn't thinking because after that I wrote and entire paragraph explaining what it means...I was such a hypocrite while writing that, like honestly was I seriously writing something about loving yourself for who you are when I'm sitting here hating every single damn thing about me. I'm not going to put a picture, one because I'm too lazy, two because I don't want to start shaking again.

Thank you if you read the whole thing 😘