The Monster With A Heart

Chapter 2

Still 2 years ago

Mark runs his hand through his hair, waves of emotions are washing over him, the guilt is weighing on him.

I'm going to Fort Mcmurray.

Mark doesn't know how to tell his wife this, he doesn't have the courage to do it. She hates his recklessness sometimes and he knows that, she hates how he can't be like everyone else and care about making money for his family and nothing else. 

"Where are they sending you?",his wife asks in a wavering voice.

Mark looks away, hoping to avoid the question. 

Emma's jaw clenches and her hazel eyes filled with determination,"I asked you something Mark."

Mark fiddles with his hands but he doesn't make eye contact with her, he knows he'll spit out the truth if he did,"Im going go Alberta."

Emma readjusts her position on the couch and stares at him, the anger flashing in her eyes now,"Where in Alberta?"

Mark turns his head further away from her, he clenches his fist, his knuckles turn white.

Emma groans quietly and she walks towards him and grabs Mark's jaw and lead his head towards her, Mark's eyes widen for a second but then Emma sees grey eyes confidently staring back into hers.

Emma doesn't let go of his jaw, she could feel his jaw clenching through her hand. She was glaring at him now, "Where in Alberta Mark?"

 Mark's brows furrow, his mouth opens and snaps shut. He finally manages to blurt out, "Im going to Fort Mcmurray."

"What?!"

Her eyebrows raise, eyes widen. He can see the tears forming in her eyes. 

He knows that she doesn't want him to go and he knows that he can't do that for her. 

She lost a friend in an accident, she got anxiety, she always needs to know that he's safe, she checks in, she calls and he never complains because he saw her cry for weeks. That combined with his ADHD was a horrid combination, he rushed into everything too fast and as a result made her worry more than she should have to. She still doesn't trust him, he doesn't expect her too but he promises to try and he does. 

When they got married he was still fresh out of college, he spent his time with her. When he went to work he never failed to catch the fear in her eyes.

The first time he thought he might not make it was when a floor on an apartment building caught on fire. He was evacuating civilians. All recollections of time had vanished and he didn't realize that it had been hours. He was lucky enough to  come home unscathed, covered in ashes, with the smell of smoke lingering in his nostrils but still fine. 

She held him and sobbed into his chest, whispered that she thought he was dead. She cried more than was accepted as 'being worried', she was terrified. 

His hand finds her's again, his thumb rubs circle's against her palms. 

"Im going to Fort Mcmurray Emma.", Mark says quietly.

Emma sways and falls onto the couch, the horrified expression still on her face, tears make their way down her cheeks despite her will and she stares at her husband hoping this was a lie, a joke.

She waits for the moment when Mark would burst out laughing and try and hug her, but she would push him away, she waited for the moment that he's reassure her that this was all fake.

But the moment never comes.

She already lost Alexi. She was too far away, she never said goodbye. Alberta is too faraway and she can't loose him too. Fire is too unforgiving, too dangerous. She can't let him go, what if something happened to him? She'd never forgive herself for letting him go, she can't let him go. 

She looks in his eyes and sees a grave burden set in them. 

I have too, They say to her clearly and she hates that they understand each other so well because if they didn't she'd ask him and maybe he'd make her happy and lie that it will all be okay. 

He pushes a strand of hair out of her face, his thumbs wipe away the tears and he shifts. Pulls her closer so her head rests over his beating heart, so his arms hold the small of her back. 

Her breath hitches. 

" I love you.", he presses a kiss to her head, " And I'll do everything I can. " 

" What about Alice?", she says quietly. 

What If our daughter has to live without you? 

She never speaks the words but he knows that's what she meant. 

the helplessness in her voice tugs at his heart. 

If you won't think of me, at least think of her! 

" I have to go.", he says lamely because he's never been good with words. 

" No you don't.", her hands grip the material of his shirt. 

" People are dying." 

" What if you die?!" 

He can feel her ragged breathing against her neck. 

His hand strokes her hair, " I'm sorry." 

I'm sorry you're stuck with someone like me 

" You don't have to go." 

" I'm the best they've got." 

" Please-" 

" It's my job, we wouldn't have much if I didn't do it." 

He's never been good with words.

And yet another moment comes in his life where he wishes he was.