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VKOOK 2: Feelings

now this may be diff than i usually do but i want to let this feeling out of me and put it in this book. it's like my personal diary but vkook style. btw jungkook will be me and v will be the person i have some sort of feeling for my best friend who is a girl. (i am bi or pan so ye) enjoy!

Jungkook's POV

Me and V have been best friends for 3 years by now. I am at Busan right now while V is at America with his close friend, Namjoon having a holiday together. It's quite hot here in Busan. Every time I feel bored, I always want to voice call him or text with him. I have a lot of "adventures" with him. I did something that made me heart broke two times.
One time is when we are chatting with our friends at Messenger. We didn't fought or anything but he did in fact broke my heart when he thought that I was just using him. I avoided him for 1 or 2 weeks. I cried when I saw he cared for me and apologizing me.
Second is him and Jimin. Since V founded a person named Jimin (which that person is rlly a boy and ofc i wont say his name) in a game and all I can remember from him and V is V being depressed and suicidal from him. Every time V get depressed, I just want to go to Jimin's place and kill him for making my best friend depressed and suicidal. I would cry every night whenever he becomes like this and hoping that he won't kill myself. I know that V is blindly in love with him. Once he got depressed again, I fully told him the truth about me and Namjoon and shit, and I avoided him. Not playing with him, not texting with him, and etc. But I thought I do this again and be strong but I can't. I just felt like I just lost my best friend. When I talked to him after avoiding him again, I was worried about his ears. His ears have this thing where whenever he wakes up in the morning, his ears will go like if you are landing to another country and he does have to go to check ups but he told me that it will be fine.

Now I feel bored. I am just laying down on my bed, staring at the ceiling instead of my phone coz the wifi is shit here and I know V is having fun with Namjoon and Hoseok. By the past couples of years, I feel like I might have feelings for him. I can feel jealousy crawling up my spine whenever his talking to one for our best friends and looking like that they are close than me and him. I would cry my jealousy and depression out every night. I just want him to be with me forever because he is only person that makes me happy that I just want to kiss him. I would go deep in my thoughts and I wanted to cry on how amazing these memories are. I felt so lonely when I didn't get to know him before at elementary. When he became my classmate at middle school, everything changed. I wish he was with me forever and ever which I know that may be called as selfish, I am not sure.

Whenever I just think of him, hear him, or see him, my heart raises. He is so precious for him to kill himself. He is luckier than me. I want him to know that I love him and I want him to be with me forever but...I feel scared. I feel scared that he would reject me. I feel scared that I might break our friendship. I feel scared that we might not be friends after I say those words. I want him to know that whatever happens between us we can help each other, that we can make a way through this. He is so precious to me that I want him to be with me. I love him. He was my first love. I mean, I do have a crush on Yoongi before and I felt he gave me life, but V gave me life so much more than him (sorry? xd). If I went to his house for a sleepover again, would I kiss him? Like would I secretly kiss him and tell him that I love him more than friends? I wish I can be brave enough to tell him that I love him. I want to Taehyung that I love so much and I would never leave him no matter what. I want to be with him forever. I love his life than mine. My life feels like it's full of suffering and full of depression. I miss him so much. I found myself crying and half asleep. I grabbed my phone and went to Messenger. I left a few messages until I almost send this.

Phone perspective
I love you and goodnight.
I love you and goodnigh|
I love you and goodn|
I love you and g|
I love you.|
I love you.
I love y|
I lo|
I|
Goodnyt :)

And I pressed send. I put my phone on my nightstand and pull over a blanket and cry myself to sleep. "I love you V. Never leave me alone please." I whispered to myself, sobbing and finally drifting myself to sleep.

ok so imma tell u whats happening coz it looks confusing no lie. ive been best friends with this girl for 3 years now and i feel like ive developed feelings for her and i never get to confess it to her. i always like her presence around me and i just want to kiss her. i like her and i want to keep it as a secret so ppl wont find me disgusting. my best friend who's been with me since 2012 doesn't know about this. no one knows about my feelings towards her except me and only me. i was scared to confess my feeling to her becuz i might break our perfect friendship. i really never felt this alive from her. i always appreciate her and always love her. she may annoy me but i find it funny. she may feel like she's my sister but i feel like she's more than that. i want to be with her forever becuz it feels like always brings me to Neverland where no suffering and pain was planted.  she always makes me smile and i thank her. i love her and i want to be beside her forever 💖

hope you enjoy my story but kinda interpreted by vkook. love ya sinners and i'll go to sleep now. annyeong! 💕

~N🖤