Sometimes

The Future

I am the type to plan ahead. Like way ahead. I need to know what's going on in the future so I can plan accordingly and have confidence in that upcoming event, whatever it may be. I also enjoy having something to look forward to. Maybe I'll have a stale month where I hang out with friends randomly or just do my daily routine, but in that sort of dull time I like being able to pull up my calendar and see what bigger things are yet to come. It's almost like a crutch for me to push through the now so I can get to tomorrow. 

In the same way that it is nice to see what's to come, it also scares me from time to time. I promise you, I check my calendar everyday. That being said, it makes it seems sometimes that my life is on fast forward. You start being able to see how fast the days do go by and it's kind of terrifying. Hello people, 2017 is almost OVER?! We're halfway through the year??!! That's terrifying. 

As a 16 year old girl who is about to start her junior year, I'm constantly thinking about college and my future. I mean, I've had these things on my mind since freshmen year, but as that last year of high school gets closer and closer (especially since it's REALLY close for me now), the reality of it becomes prominent. I pretty much have my goals in order, but when it comes to the funding of these goals and actually reaching them, it seems impossible. I want to see myself moving out and being independent. I want to take a gap year and be a flight attendant before settling down in college. I want to see myself graduating and moving on to be a psychiatrist or psychologist. Even though the time dawns closer for me to pursue these things, they  just don't seem attainable for me.

I tell myself "well maybe cause it's still to far away" or "It's just cause of your current position in life", but I don't believe it. My future is unknown. Even though I have an idea of what I want to do, I have no set plan to get their successfully. I don't even know how to get there. Anything can happen between now and then, and I don't know what life may throw at me. Again I say, that is terrifying. I have no control over the outcome of my life. All I can do is hope for the best and follow the path that I believe will lead me to where I want to go. Hopefully I'll chose the right one.