/ REVISED /
03 / 08 / 2018
P R E S E N T
Skimming through pages, scanning several words, reminiscing memories through every photo. Everything came rushing back to haunt him again.
He's laughing while reading some entries, his heart wrenches so much with every painful entries, thousand droplets of tears have already fallen from his eyes. Basang-basa na ang kwadernong hawak niya sa tuloy-tuloy na pag-agos ng luha niya.
Naalala niya ulit ang lahat, para ngang bumalik ulit siya sa nakaraan.
He can remember all the heartaches, heartbreaks and happiness and pain and bliss and sufferings that he felt with their love. Their love cycle that never ceased to go round and round.
Heck, he even felt like he fell in love with Mingyu over and over and over again. He felt like he was standing in the middle of the road once again, feeling the heavy droplets of the rain on his back, reminding Mingyu to be careful of the memories that they'll make—or else it would haunt him forever.
And he wasn't wrong. . . It did haunt him, made him so crushed, and so, so hopeless.
But he never regretted betting on a love that was so worth it to fight for even for a short time.
Huminga siya ng sobrang lalim upang maalis ang bigat na nararamdaman niya sa dibdib niya. Pinigilan niya ang hininga niya. Naramdaman niyang biglang tumaas ang kinain niya sa paraan niya nang pagpigil ng sarili niyang mga luha.
"A-Ayoko na," lumunok siya at mariing pinikit ang mga mata niya. He can taste the sour and bitter taste of his own vomit at back of his tongue.
Wonwoo can almost be the epitome of a perfect martyr. He loves torturing himself by going back to the past over and over again.
Hindi niya alam kung ano bang magandang naidudulot nito sa kanya. Kung pasan lang naman nito ay sakit at pighati. He is like stucked in the past and chained no matter what.
Kahit gaano man kasakit at katindi ang naidulot sa kanya ni Mingyu, hinding-hindi niya pa rin makakalimutan na siya ang naging dahilan kung paano niya naranasan kung paano magmahal. Hindi niya pa rin makakalimutan na sa kabila nang sakit, may saya pa rin siyang naidulot sa kanya.
Mingyu is his first love, and it seems like he'll be the perfect person to represent the quote that first love never dies. Mingyu is a candle inside his heart that have never been lit with a fire for so long, and it still stays alive intact and sturdy until today. He's still not ready to melt him down inside his heart.
His thoughts was interrupted when he heard his annoying ringtone. Hudyat na may tumatawag sa kanya mula sa Messenger. Hinayaan niya munang kalmahin ang sarili niya bago kinuha ang cellphone na nakapatong sa kama niya.
Siguro isa lang 'to sa mga kaibigan niyang nag-aaya nanaman lumabas. Siguro isa nanaman 'to sa mga—
—
Kim Mingyu is calling. . .
accept | decline
—
His heart stopped. Ang luhang napigilan niya kani-kanila lang ay bigla nanamang nagsilabasan. His whole body began to tremble when he saw his name.
Bakit siya tumatawag? Babalik na ba ulit siya?
Alam niyang wala siya sa katinuan. Pero desperado na siya. Kung ito na ang huling pagkakataon na makakausap niya si Mingyu, hindi niya na palalampasin pa ito.
Closure. Yun nalang ang hihilingin niya kay Mingyu, kahit hindi na sila magkabalikan okay lang. Tatlong taon na ang nakalipas pero hindi pa rin sila nagkaroon ng mabuting "break up".
With his shaky hands, he accepted the call. He turned the call to loudspeaker.
His breathing became shallow and constricted. His heart is beating so wildly, cracking and tearing apart all the fibers and nerves inside of him.
On the other line, he heard his deep raspy voice that has been residing inside his mind for who knows how long. With a very cold and icy voice, Mingyu started the conversation, "Hey."
Wonwoo covered his mouth with his palm, supressing himself to make any sound. Pinikit niya ng mariin ang mga mata niya, at sa pagpikit niya, may mga bagong luha nanamang lumabas sa mata niya.
He missed that voice. For three years, hindi niya narinig ang boses na iyon. For three years, he have been missing him all these time.
He can't find the perfect word to say. Should he say, "hey", "how are you?", "napatawag ka?", "anong kailangan mo?". Hindi niya alam kung anong iaasta sa kanya. Magiging masungit ba siya? Magiging malumay?
Ipapakita niya bang hindi siya kinakabahan? Ipapakita niya bang desperado pa rin siya para sa kanya?
Without minding anything, he spoke, "H-Hello." Wonwoo bit his lip, his voice came out pitchy and shaky.
He doesn't want to look and sound weak to him, but look, he sounds so weak and vulnerable.
Wonwoo clenched his fist tightly. He's so close to having a heart attack.
•••
BINABASA MO ANG
Closure • meanie
Short Story| stand alone #2 | + three years later, he came back to ask for a closure. copyright © meaniempire, 2017
