Scarred Perfection

Chapter One.

May she be granted beauty and yet not

Beauty to make a stranger's eye distraught,

Or hers before a looking-glass, for such,

Being made beautiful overmuch,

Consider beauty a sufficient end,

Lose natural kindness and maybe

The heart-revealing intimacy

That chooses right, and never find a friend....

~William Butler Yeats, "A Prayer for my Daughter"

Chapter One. 

The night sky was one of the most beautiful things to me. Every night, I would look up and stare at the tiny little lights, wondering what it would be like to be one of them, so far above in the sky, so envied for my beauty.

Well, I was envied, I suppose. But beauty never lasts. I was living proof of that.

My story starts three years ago, when I was in my last year of school. I was the 'Queen Bee', the girl who had it all. I basked in the compliments, but I was never too shy to give them out myself. I liked it when people liked me, so I tried to get on everybody's good sides. It worked, a lot of the time. But some people are too judgemental. I was judged for my beauty, for my clothes, even the grades I got and the way I spoke. And as much as I tried, there was always, always Nikki Reagen 

"Whore."

The word just bounced off me as I walked down the hall. Ever since I started going here, Nikki has hated me. Maybe I had unknowingly done something horrible to her, I really don't know. But there was nothing I could do to make her like me. And I hated her for that.

But I was used to her cutting remarks, so I just rolled my eyes as Brittney skewered her with a cold glare. I didn't see why, it wasn't meant for her. But she was a good friend; I would have done the same for her.

The further I walked down the hall, the more obvious the whispers. Behind books, hands, some even talked straight out without any fear of me saying anything. I respected the ones that did. But there was only one person they were talking about. Me.

I tried not to smile as some of their conversations drifted to me, but it was proving difficult. One girl was telling her equally blond friend about a party she was at, and I was absolutely hammered. I almost laughed at the prospect. I did drink- I was a seventeen year old teenager, after all. But I never got too out of hand. Besides, I didn't even go out last week. It was just another rumour to add to the list people thought they knew about me.

"If only they knew," I thought with a wry smile, "I'm not as different to you as you think."

The smile dropped from my face as I stopped at my locker and opened it, sighing as I pulled out my maths book. I was in desperate danger of failing, so I really had to start paying more attention. My mother was already forking out for tutoring; the least I could do was make an effort.

Shutting my locker again, I turned away- straight into Seb, the 'King of School' (his own creation). We'd hooked up a few times before, but we never went far. Well, I say we hadn't, he was a completely different story.

"Hey, Row, how are you doin'?" He asked, flashing me with a grin that I quickly returned. Appearances were everything. But the nickname annoyed me. Only my family called me 'Row', it sounded weird coming from his lips. But I let it slide; I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it.

"Not too bad, Seb, you?" I began walking to my next class, and he quickly got into step beside me. So much for a pep talk for maths, I mused. And I really needed one too... I pushed the thoughts from my mind and tried to look as if I was listening.