[Imperfection] - Daniel Kang

1.

Dark, it's was cold and dark. You were walking down the street barely being able to see much through the fog. You went out for a walk, as you did every night at 11pm because although dangerous, it was peaceful. Getting away from everyone for a few hours and not having to argue or be constantly put down by everyone around you was the reason you came out. You hated everything, from the way you were treated to who you lived with to even the way you looked. It's not as though people cared though, so you'd escape through your window and roam the streets alone for as long as you wanted and people didn't even notice you were gone.

There's rarely people out at this time besides from the sight of a few drunks every now and then, arguing with one another or dragging their feet and swaying down the paths. You had just left the house having had yet another argument with your mum over the fact that you barely left your room, maybe it was because of the way she treated you or maybe it was due to what you did in your room. Carrying on down the street, leaving all thoughts in your suffocating house, you finally reached the spot you went to most nights. An area of grass, maybe the size of a football pitch which was positioned near the edge of the town and close to the sea. The stars in your view, shining and the sound of the sea that was still besides from the occasional sway it would do. Something about lying here without a care made you think of what your future could be, who you might become or if you'd even make it that far. Maybe everything would turn out fine and you would be able to move on and live your life as others do, smiling and laughing genuinely without a trace of a fake one. Or maybe dealing with it all alone would become too much, you would have enough and try to end the pain and suffering so you could enter a place where no one suffers and the light is brightest. You never know, sometimes life does the strangest things to us. It can be completely unpredictable and leave us in shock at what happens. You just have to try your best to go on and find out.

It was now reaching 1:30am, having been out for an two hours and a half, weighing up the good and bad in your life and thinking about your expectations in life and what you would do if you reached them, you decided it was time to start the way back home. Standing up and brushing any stray grass off of your back you slowly started to make your way back to the city. The fog was covering most of the view and you couldn't see much however the top of the buildings were free of fog and easy to make out and trace the outline with your fingers in the air. Walking a bit further you could just make out a figure, on top of a building, flats layered above each other. You couldn't hear anything besides your own breathing, but seeing this sight made you worried and brought back the horrible memories of that night in November. You had tried to jump, having dealt with it all alone for years and eventually having a meltdown you had made your way there. Fortunately or maybe unfortunately, your best friend at that time had been able to see the signs in your final message - "It's all been too much, goodbye". She knew you better than anyone and was the only person who knew anything about what you were going through, even if it was only a fragment she knew. Trying to clear the memory from your mind you looked up and realised that the shadow had made their way closer to the edge and now looked like they were sitting down, legs dangling over the edge.

Heart racing and feet going as fast as they could, you ran towards the entrance of the flats and quickly opened it with your code. Choosing the stairs over the elevator you ran, every so often slipping at the corner or slightly tripping over a step. Reaching the floor before the stairs to the roof you used the last burst of energy you had to push yourself and make it onto the roof.
"WAIT!"
The figure turned around, trembling. He looked around 20 and had hair sticking to his face due to the tears which were still streaming from his eyes. His eyes were full of hurt and his wrist was full of scars, some new. You were stuck between edging closer to him or staying where you were and trying to help, you didn't want to scare him or make him make his decision any quicker.
He managed to mutter the words "Go away" through the little gaps he got while trying to stop himself from crying. "Don't try to stop me."
"Please, let me help." You tried your best to distract him from what he came to do, praying that you could stop him before it was too late.
"Help?" He nearly scoffed whilst saying the word, he obviously very much doubted that anyone could help him at this stage. "I doubt you have any idea of what I'm going through."
This upset you, you knew very well that it took a lot to get to this and that trying to not jump took all that you had left. It makes you think that everything will be better without you and jumping is the only option. Seeing someone else in this position only reminded you of yourself and being in the other position set a whole new perspective, you didn't even know the guy but seeing someone like this sets you on edge, you don't know what to do or how to help but you need to do all you can.
"Trust me I do, I was in this exact same spot last month, I was going to do the exact same thing you were. I did and still do hate life, the feeling of loneliness and worthlessness was in my head 24/7. I know more than anyone what it takes to be at this point and I will do anything within my power to help you, even if this means being by your side all day and night to make you feel secure." Even though you didn't know him, you had to make him feel as though he would have someone who cares and you meant it, if it meant being able to give someone the feeling of hope back then you would stay with them forever.

Something in his eyes slightly changed, he looked over the edge of the building before breaking down into unstoppable tears once again. He winced while removing his hand and putting them to his face to hide the shame he had, there were two puddles of blood where his hands had previously been due to his wrists. You walked over, being careful to not go too fast towards him. He jumped slightly at the feeling of your hand on him shoulder.
"Please come away from the edge so we can talk, we don't even have to talk, we can stand there in silence if you really want. But jus please come away from there-".
Your voice trailed off as you saw that he started to move backwards when you had started to talk. Putting your hands around his shoulders, you guided him towards the back of the roof before both sitting down on some empty plant pots that were there. He was still crying, you reached over and softly removed his hands from his face before wiping his tears with the sleeves of your oversized hoodie. There wasn't a single word spoken between you both for a while after he had stopped crying, the sun had started to rise and you both sat there leaning on wall behind you.
You were the first to break the silence, "Do you want to talk about anything?".
He gently shook his head and you asked no more. You scribbled down your number before passing him the piece of paper and standing up.
"I'm always here to talk, even if it's not about this. Feel free to message me whenever you want, I'll answer you whether I'm out and about or in the shower. That part made his lips rise slightly at the edges. He nodded, acknowledging what you said.
"I'm going to go, I live in flat 3 so feel free to come by whenever you want, but knock on the window outside and not the door". He again nodded without saying anything. You stood there for a minute wondering if there was anything else you needed to say. As you were about to leave he stood up and waited for you to open the door, you both tiptoed through the door and made your way to the bottom floor.

You walked to your flat and turned around to see him going into the one next door. It was around 7am when you both walked through your doors, being quiet to not get caught. You went to the kitchen grabbed a glass and filled it with water before going to your room and lying there trying to process everything that had just happened before closing your eyes and drifting to sleep. On the other side of the wall, he lay there staring up at his ceiling thinking about why he stopped when you asked when he could've ended it all. The thought that someone had cared enough to stop him, made him feel happiness for the first time in a while. A tear escaped his eye with the thought that maybe he had found someone who would be there for him. He grabbed his phone and typed in your number before quickly sending a text saying "Thankyou".