I told Louise that I was going to that stupid party. She was gonna pick me up at 8 and we were gonna go. We did go. We went to the party. I was right about sitting alone. I couldn't stand to sit on the couch and pretend to check my phone while everyone was singing and dancing and getting drunk and high. I walked upstairs to a bathroom out of the commotion.
That's how I got here. I thought as I paced around the bathroom. This was probably one of the biggest parties of the year and I was alone and panicking in a bathroom because I couldn't find my friends. Now it's just me in the bathroom. At a party. I might as well just stay here until I can leave the party. All by myself. Hiding. It's better by myself. They haven't come looking for me, might as well just stay. It's fine. They don't care enough to find you. I'll just stay here until my face is dry and I'll blame the red eyes on all the people smoking downstairs. My entire was shaking, I was crying on the floor, curled in a ball, rocking back and forth. Why was I even born? There's some drunk chick singing along to Whitney Houston really loudly downstairs. She's not good.
Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.
"You can't come in, I'll be out soon." Maybe that'll make them leave me alone.
Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. They're gonna start shouting soon. I splash water on my face. It doesn't help. I sat back down and started humming to myself. Might as well be Michael in the bathroom with how things are going. You and I are in the same boat, Michael. Or bathtub I guess. I chuckled a little to myself before the voice from outside the door said something.
"Hey, uh, you can't be up here. I don't know who's in there but you gotta come out." I heard a guys voice say from out side the door. I didn't, no, I couldn't answer him. The door knob jiggled and my head snapped up. I didn't lock the door. The door was pushed open and I saw Connor standing in the doorway, looking at me on the floor.
"I'm sorry but I really can't hav- are you ok?"
"Haha, yep. Great party, glad I came." I said, wiping the tears off my face with a quick swipe of my hand and standing up. Idiot. That's not gonna fool anyone. You still look like shit. Like always.
"You don't look like you're glad you came."
"Drug trip gone wrong, I'm fine. You know, smoking those drugs. Happens."
"Smoking drugs? You don't seem like the type to be smoking anything. Especially considering you don't seem to know what you were smoking." I'm not the type, that was a lie. I lied to you. Please let me leave. "Do you need a ride home or something? I'd be happy to give you one." Connor offered his hand to me and helped me up.
"A ride home would be fantastic." Was all I could force myself to say.
"How'd you get here?"
"Louise gave me a ride. I thought, I thought it might be fun. It really wasn't." I said as I followed Connor out of the bathroom and downstairs. I didn't see Louise anywhere. Winter never came. I don't remember when Louise told me to wait right on the couch but it was a while before I went to the bathroom. I guess she forgot I was sitting there. Not a surprise. It's easy to forget me.
"Alex, I'll be back in a minute." Connor shouted to a guy with thick brown hair and thin, wirey, round glasses. The guy he called Alex nodded to confirm he heard Connor. "Don't destroy my house while I'm gone."
Connor led me out to a chevy truck. He unlocked it and we both got in. The second I got in and closed my door, I broke down again. I didn't have any more tears but the sons wracked my entire body.
"I don't really know what to do in this situation. Are you mad at Louise?"
"No. I-I'm not mad at L-Louise. I'm more m-mad at myself." I said, trying to talk through the sobs.
"What's your address? I realized I'm taking you home and I don't know where to."
I took a deep breath and told him the address. I was able to calm myself down enough to stop crying. "Can you not tell anyone about the fact that I was having a panic attack in your upstairs bathroom?"
"Of course."
"Thanks Connor."
We drove in silence until we reached my house. I was about to get out when Connor handed me a napkin with his number on it.
"Call me if you need anything, alright? I'm pretty much always awake."
"Will do." I unlocked the door and was relieved to find out that my mom had already gone to bed.
