Thought Catalog

I'm An All-Or-Nothing Kind Of Girl

"I'm An All-Or-Nothing Kind Of Girl"

By Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

I’m an all or nothing kind of girl. Take me or leave me. But if you choose to take me, don’t expect calm and collected. Don’t expect maybes of half answers. Don’t expect the middle ground. I am all the way in it. Or I am gone.

I do not fall in love halfway. I do not like someone only ‘a little bit’. I don’t do casual or flings or almosts. I don’t do maybes.

Because I know I deserve more than that.

And I will not waste my time with you if you aren’t what I need. I will not waste my time with you if you are not the person that matters most to me. I will not waste my time with someone who questions me. With someone who questions my heart and my value as a human being.

I will not waste my time on fuckboys or heartbreakers or people who left me once before.

I feel. And when I feel, I will not be quiet about it. If I cry, I weep. If I’m sad, I don’t hide under the covers wishing it away. If I’m happy, I will shout it from the rooftops. And when I am in love? I will make every damn person in my life realize it. And I will fall incredibly hard.

Because I don’t do half of anything. I don’t fall ‘only a bit’. I don’t ‘maybe’ love you or her or him. I don’t only care a little.

When I fall, I fall deep and hard and fast. And I won’t apologize for it 

I am an all or nothing kind of girl. So if you treat me badly, I’m not giving you a second chance. I’m not going to take you back and watch you beg for me. I’m not going to love you even harder. I’m just going to forgive and forget you.

And if you stab me in the back, or do anything to hurt the people that I love, I will not stand for it. And I will make damn sure you know exactly what you did.

I am kind. I am sweet. I am selfless. But I am also selfish. I’m not going to sit around and wait for good things to happen to me. I’m not going to mope around my bedroom, waiting for my prince to come. I’m going to work for my dreams and work for my career. I’m going to work hard on myself first and foremost. Because when you’re an all or nothing girl, you come first.

I come first.

I will not let you tear me down or strike me with your venom. I won’t let people treat me like dirt and watch them spit all over me. I am living this life for me. Not for anyone else.

And if I do happen to fall hard, or to feel something stirring in my heartstrings, I’m not going to apologize for that. I will not apologize for my open heart and mind. I will not apologize for living out my truth.