The Quiet After the Storm

Chapter VI: Elsa

Why? Why can’t I even explain about my guilt? How do I share all of this pain with this wonderful man who wants nothing more than to help me?

I guess I’ve been alone for so many years, it’s hard for me to even imagine that someone else might want to be there for me when I have so many ugly emotions that I’m dealing with. But when I look into his face, into his eyes… there’s something about him; something different, something beautiful.

It’s going to be very hard, but I have to reach out to him before I start falling back into darkness. I’ve got to finish the story.

“Not very long ago, I was getting ready for my coronation. There were visitors from other lands there, of course, and my younger sister met someone that she liked. And just like that, they’re engaged! Of course, I chose the worst possible time to try to be her ‘parent’, and we got into a fight. People saw for the first time what I could do, and so I ran away up here, and built this.”

I could tell he wanted to say something; but I wouldn’t let him. I had to finish telling him now, or I’d never have the nerve to tell him at all.

“She came after me. She tried to reach me; and I pushed her away. I mean, I really pushed. I pushed so hard… and now I’ve hurt her. I think really badly.

“I just can’t stop hurting her! I love her, I really do; but I mess everything up so much, and if I hadn’t made that one stupid mistake when I was a child, then all of this never would have happened, and she’d still be fine, and I’d be… I’d…”

“You’d be somewhere else. And you never would have met me, and I would never have met you,” he said. His words trailed off at the end, and I knew that he trying to tell me that I was not alone; but my mind was so overtaken with grief, I didn’t even realize what he was saying.

“So what do I do now?” I asked him. I knew there wasn’t any answer; but I had been asking myself that question for so long that I needed to ask someone else, too.

But he wouldn’t be able to answer. No one would ever be able to answer. This was all my fault, and there was no going back now, no second chances. At this point, I’d have about as much of a chance at getting this fixed as I would have of defying gravity.