Matches | √

Chapter Eight

fuel | cause to burn more intensely

• • •

2/8/17

I WALK INTO school behind the shadow of my best friend. Praise and accolades fly her way as eyes continue to pass over me. Their casual glances and constant ignoring of my presence doesn't bother me as I am only focused on one thing. One person. The same person that has caused guilt to drill it's way inside of me, and find a permanent residence deep in my bones.

I haven't seen Asher since the night of Brooklyn's gig. The last few days of school he has been nowhere to be found. I don't know if he's just simply skipping school, or if he's avoiding me.

A part of me knows he doesn't care enough to be avoiding me, but then a small part of my heart begins to nag and has me wondering if it's true. If I could be the reason behind his mysterious absence. If I could disrupt his kingdom just enough to have him rethinking everything. Just like he's blazed through my life in the span of what feels like seconds and turned everything upside down.

I should be thankful that I haven't seen him since that night, thankful for the small reprieve of his presence. A presence that has seared my soul, and makes me question everything about myself and my best friend.

Francesca leads us to her group of friends by the same lockers we stand by every day. But today is slightly different. Because as soon as we approach the group my eyes lock on Asher's tall frame that towers over everyone around him, but me. Even in my flats I'm taller than most girls, even some boys at this age. When I stand straight I am eye level at Asher's lips, a dangerous and absolutely beautiful height to be I've suddenly realized. My eyes leisurely take in his lean build that I'm all too aware of how it feels pressed up against my own body.

I can't stop the small flutter of excitement that ripples through my stomach at the sight of him. I don't want to care let alone be eager. But the sight of his handsome face and signature smirk has me wanting everything I told myself I didn't need. I didn't want.

But that would be a lie, a voice whispers in the back of my head making the guilt flow through me a bit harder.

I straighten my shoulders and a few people glance my way. It's then I realize that I'm not standing outside the circle like I usually do, I'm not hunching over in attempts to make myself shorter or invisible. I'm standing tall. I'm acting like I'm one of them when everyone knows I'm not. A rush of insecurity hits me so hard a shaky breath escapes my lips and my eyes fall to the tiled hallway. I awkwardly take a side step so a cheerleader can have a better angle on the group and let myself hide behind my best friend. Because that's what I do, that's who I am.

I try to not focus on Asher as I take my rightful place behind Francesca. He's been engaged in a conversation with our star quarterback this whole time and hasn't noticed our arrival, maybe the only person who didn't notice my best friend the second she arrived. His entire focus on his friend gives me a few moments to easily watch him, to freely take him in, because I can't look anywhere else. I can't concentrate on anything or anyone else. That's when I realize he's more like a blazing fire then I even know, because he's burning everything down in my path. And even when I want to look away because the heat is too much to handle, he's all I can see, all I can feel in this world.

My eyes flicker up to his dark ones and that's when I realize he's noticed me. He noticed me before he noticed my best friend, and I hate the way a thrill races through my spine at the thought no matter how off base it may be. He holds my gaze for a single second, a second of swirling darkness, before releasing me.

He immediately turns his attention on Francesca from across the circle, which my best friend promptly lights up about. She's elated that he's paying her attention, but as I watch them openly flirt I feel my chest contract with a full ache.