Giving In

Chapter 4

               Gumising si Mari na tila may pumupukpok sa sentido niya. Was she that drunk the other night? She looked around her to see that she wasn't in her bedroom. And she was wearing a guy's t-shirt. Ang damit niya ay maayos na nakasabit sa isang upuan. Her bag was also in the said chair.

The scent of the room was achingly familiar. Alam niya kaninong pabango yun. Alam niya kaninong amoy yun. But how? The last memory she had of the previous night was talking and reminiscing with her college friends.

She took off the t-shirt she had on and changed into her clothes from last night. Nothing hurt except her head so she's sure nothing happened. Lumabas siya ng kwarto at tumambad sa kanya ang nakangiting mukha ni Liam. What the fuck?

"Hey, you okay? You were so drunk last night," nakangiti nitong sabi. But the smile was soon wiped off his face upon seeing the expression on hers. She was far from happy. In fact, she was downright mad.

Mari wasn't in the mood to act nice, or even polite. Masakit na ulo niya, mas lalo lang sumakit nang makita si Liam. How the hell did she end up at his place? "May nangyari ba sa atin kagabi?" diretso niyang tanong.

Liam was taken aback at how direct she was? Asan na ba yun Mari na mahilig magpaligoy ligoy? "You mean did we..."

Bago pa makatapos magsalita si Liam ay sumabat na si Mari. "You know very well what I'm talking about Liam. Wag mo akong gawing tanga tulad ng dati. Did we have sex last night?" she emphasized.

"No, we didn't. Pero muntik na. You were so touchy and I'm only human. You fell asleep before we could go any further. Masaya ka na?" naiinis na tanong ni Liam. This was far from what he expected. He thought that maybe after last night, she could at least be nice to him.

Mari laughed bitterly. "You know what would make me happy? Yun ay kung di na sana kita nakita ulit."

Liam put aside the coffee he was holding. "Look, Mari, alam kong may kasalanan ako sayo. But can't we start over again? I just want things to work out again. Ano bang kailangan kong gawin para maging okay tayo?" pagsusumamo ni Liam.

"What are you saying?" tanong ni Mari. She had no idea where the conversation was headed. And Liam was talking in circles. Ba't di na lang siya diretsahin nito? "Just get to the fucking point!"

It was Liam now who let out a bitter laugh. "What am I saying? My point?" Liam's mirthless laugh stopped. "I want you back. I want what we had back. But this time, di na tayo magtatago. Ipapaalam na natin sa kung sino dapat makaalam ang ugnayan natin."

Mari stared at Liam as if he lost his mind. "Are you crazy? Iaanunsyo mo sa mundo kung anong meron tayo noon? We were fuck buddies for God's sake!"

"Noon yun Mari! Noon! I want it different now. I want to be with you. I want a serious relationship but only if it's with you. What do I have to do to para maintindihan mo yan?" Liam's frustration was evident now. Di na niya napigilan emosyon niya. Mari was being difficult pero di naman niya ito masisisi. Kasalanan niya bakit ganito siya tratuhin ni Mari.

It wasn't just Liam who was frustrated, Mari was too. "Is it always about what you want Liam? You wanted nothing to do with my baby, hinayaan kita. You never saw me again. Paano naman ang gusto ko? You know what I want Liam? I just want you out of my life. I want nothing to do with you!"

"But why? Mari! Yun ang di ko maintindihan! Sure, I was a messed up piece of shit back then! Di ba ako pwedeng magbago? Di ba ako pwedeng magsisi? You don't know how much the thought that I could already have had a child with you haunted me. To this day, pinagsisihan ko ang pagbelawala ko sayo nang sabihin mo sa akin na buntis ka. But now, seeing you again, I just want you back. Gusto kong bumawi sayo. Gusto kong magkaroon nung anong meron tayo dati. No one ever measured up to you. No one ever took your place."

Mari couldn't believe what Liam was saying. Did he honestly think she'll do anything he wants and give in to him after a little bit of remorse and guilt from him? What did he take her for? Gaga? Estupida? She wasn't naïve and idealistic then, more so now. Gusto lang siyang gawing parausan ulit ni Liam. "Oh go fuck yourself Liam. Stay away from me."

Mari left Liam standing there, a horrified look on his face. Liam wondered why Mari detested him this much. What they had was consensual. No one took advantage. Pareho nilang ginusto ang kung ano mang meron sa kanila noon. Sure, he admits to having a low opinion of her back then but it changed when he didn't hear from her again. He thought she was just like other girls who indulged in a friends with benefits set-up with a guy like him. Girls who pretended to prefer the no strings attached arrangement but in reality, wanting to trap a guy like him. Social climbers and gold diggers started young after all. But Mari proved to him she wasn't like that.

Maybe she even had feelings for him. She was always there for him. Di naman sila puro sex. There were times that they just hung out at his then condo. Okay lang din sa kanya makinig sa mga reklamo at hinanakit ni Liam. She was both a friend and a lover. When he was sick and he didn't want to stay with his parents, isang tawag lang niya kay Mari, dadalhan na siya ng gamot at ipagluluto pa para di siya magutom. When he asks her to remind him of some projects or papers kasi makakalimutin siya, Mari would be hounding him if he procrastinated. She even gave him advice about an annoying ex. She was perfect for him. Too bad he didn't realize that sooner. Too bad he only realized that when she never contacted him again after saying she was pregnant. Coz if his assumption of her was true, she would've insisted on marriage or even child support. Pero wala. Pinagtaguan pa siya nito. He looked for her. When he couldn't, he hired professionals to look for her. Even her parents helped her to disappear. That was the extent of her dislike of him.

Mari hurriedly opened the door to their condo and was relieved to see the yaya feeding her child in the high chair. Nang makita siya ng anak, ginawaran siya ng napakalaking ngiti. "Pasensya na Lina ha. Nakitulog na lang ako sa kaibigan ko kasi nahirapan na akong umuwi. Buti di ka nag-alala. Wala bang naging problema?"

Umuling naman ang yaya. "Okay lang ate. Nagtext naman po kayo na di kayo makakauwi," sabi ng yaya. Mari had no recollection of doing that pero hinayaan na lang niya. It was probably Lana who did it.

"Oh siya, sige. Ako na magtatapos magpakain kay Kara. Yung mga labahin muna asikasuhin mo. Ihatid mo muna sa laundry shop," utos ni Mari. Nakangiti namang tumango ang yaya at iniwan sila mag-ina.

Mari stared at her daughter as she was busy sucking on the spoon. She looked so much like a female, toddler version of her father. The eyes that were so much like Liam's, that every time she stared at Kara, it was like staring at Liam. And that hurt Mari. She just wanted to erase that part of her past. Mahal na mahal niya ang anak pero sa tuwing nakikita niya to, naalala niya kung gaano siya nagpakatanga sa tatay nito.

Author's Note:

So I wasn't really expecting to update today kasi nga wala akong load. Mabuti na lang kinaawaan ako. I started typing this yesterday and ngayon ko lang natapos kasi nagloloko ang laptop. And this is unedited so please excuse the typos and grammatical errors.

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