December 2014
"Do you love me ?"
He asks while looking at me, tears pooling in his brown eyes.
But I didn't reply,i keep my face as strong as possible and trying my best not to sobb.
I don't want him to see me like this, weak,broken,and a total mess.
With that, he asked me again
"Do you still love me?"
Still I didn't reply, i took a quick glance and studied his face. I saw him wiping his tears while gripping his hair.
"Did you love me ?" He asks again while looking straight into my eyes, but i quckly averted his gaze.
"Did you... Did you even love me, huh ?" His hands now on my shoulders gripping them tightly and making me look into his eyes.
I winced in pain as his grip on my shoulders got tighter and tighter.
He quickly removed it and grip his hair really hard, his vains popping out in anger,and tears flowing down his cheeks.
"Fuck ! Fuck ! Fuck !" He swears, with his hands still gripping his hair. He stood up and began pacing around, thinking. With that, he kicked the nearest object really hard which is the wooden chair.
I shuddered, and think about my next move. Tears now streaming down my face as i hugged my body tightly.
"Nn.... No, I don't love you" i said, while fighting back a sobb.
"No !!!! You're lying, i know you're lying !!!! i knew it from the very start the kind of liar you are !!!".
I stood up and tried my best to stay strong, i closed my eyes for a second and pondered deeply. i have to make this,i have to be strong, i have to end this now.
"you wanna know the truth ? , I don't love you, I didn't love you, and i will never love you !!! I guess you're right, the liar i am."
With that, I didn't get the chance to fight back the sobbs coming out from my mouth, so i sobbed really really hard.
"Now the truth came out from your mouth", he said.
" i hate you !!! I hate you !!! I hate you!!! ", I shout at him while hitting his chest repeatedly and sobbing hard.
"You're hitting me now huh ? go ahead hit me all you want",
I hit him again and again and again and again til i got tired of it. But he didn't let me go.
"You finished? Now it's my turn", he said.
Before i know what he's gonna do, he pressed his lips to mine and he started kissing me hungrily. I tried my best not to kiss back, no not this time, im not gonna fall from his trap again. So i pushed him hard but I couldn't get out from his grip. I imagine how many girls he had kissed like this. I felt disgusted to myself letting him do this to me. He began kissing me at the base of my neck then to my jaw. You've had enough now. I pushed him very hard as i slapped him across his face and he stumbled on the floor.
"i love you", he said
Those three words, since when did he learn to say that. How funny of him.
"Im sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you... Im sorry" he said.
"No ! I've had enough of this, we've had enough of this" i said while sobbing.
"Im sorry, im sorry, please... I need you. I i love you" he said while wrapping his arms around my waist and his face on the side of my neck.
"I love you... So much please, i need you baby". He said and he tighten his grip on me like he never want to let me go. I feel his tears streaming down from his face to my neck.
"No don't say that... don't you ever say that" i said while trying to get out of his grip, but instead he only tighten his grip.
"No, jay... we can't... we can't... just let me go please. We have to end this now, it's for the best."
" is that what you really want ?" He asked me, mix emotions on his face that I can't read.
For a minute, no voices were heard but only the silence that's killing us.
But then i break it.
" Yes, it's for the best". I said, trying not to sound like im not sure of it. But the truth is I don't really wanna do this, I don't wanna lie to him, I don't wanna leave him.
Right now all I want to do is to hug him,kiss him and say that i love him so much. It's like i hate him for a minute, then in one second im willing to fall for him deeply so deep that i had drowned myself to his love. Love ? did he really loved me...
But as much as i want to go back to his arms, I can't and I wouldn't.
And before i left him, i took a one last glance at him. Im shocked,
This is the first time i saw him so broken again, and it breaks my heart into million pieces,
Oh my Justin, you don't have any idea how much i love you....
