To my bestfriend 💕💚

Im sorry

Dear bestfriend,
It's the 3rd of July and I just did something I really shouldn't have I knew I shouldn't have told your mum what I did but I did any way. I know from your concerned messages that your worried about me and all I can say is that I'm struggling.

After all these months of keeping it together I thought I would be able to keep it together forever, but siting here now in bed I feel like I'm about to shatter to pieces.
Listen to this one song of repeat, my warm and normally comforting blankets and mattress seem like the only real things at the moment, beside my regret.

The amount of restraint I'm putting on myself at the moment is ridiculous as I know that blade is sitting a few cm away from me. I can almost remember the nice feeling the blade would once give me many months ago before I promised to stop. I really want to go back to that place where I got temporary relief but I know that the guilt will just last even longer at that rate..

So many things are rushing through my head, and yet all I can say is

"I'm sorry"..