Just Another Girl

Chapter 1.

     My name is Lyla. I'm 12 years old and I'm a very loving person. But people aren't very loving towards me. I've never been able to figure out why. Maybe it's because I'm quiet, or maybe it's because I'm not exactly the skinniest, or maybe it's because I can't figure out if I like girls or boys. I have a couple of good friends. But none I can really talk to about what goes on in my head. And I know I have people who love me. It's just sometimes my mind choses to not believe that. And the voices. The voices are the main cause of everything. They tell my I'm worthless and that I should just end it all already. But I chose not to listen. Because I've gotten pretty good at controlling them. Like I said I'm a very loving person. I can't mentally or physically bring myself to hurt another human being. I try my hardest to make others happy because I know how it feels to feel completely worthless. And I hate anybody else to feel that way. Whenever someone's feeling down I tell them they can talk to me about it. But then when I need someone...I'm a stranger. Sometimes my depression gets the best of me and sometimes it's my anxiety. It'll hit me anytime, anywhere. No matter what I'm doing or where I'm at. And I'm already a pretty big burden as it is. So I hold it all in until I get home. Then I lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling while I feel myself just breaking inside. I listen to a story on repeat and as soon as one tear trails out...There I am curled up under a blanket wishing someone was there to cuddle me, and wipe my tears, and just to say "It's gonna be okay. It'll all be over soon. I promise." But I never had that, all I had was myself, my blood stained sheets, pills, my mom's alcohol, and my razor blade. I hated it here, every wear I went I just wanted to curl up in bed and cut and cry. I have this friend, and she's really pretty, and when I have a crush, She dates them, which tears me apart even more. I mean I've talked to her about it and she says she doesn't meant to, but she keeps doing it. I can't tell her I don't want to be friends with her anymore because, I mean, she's kind of my only one. We've been friends since 4th grade, I'm in sixth now. But maybe one day I'll find the courage to go out and make more friends. I feel like one day that will change :)