Epilogue

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TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPT





Alexander
The funeral was large. The whole team showed up, as well as Mr. Laurens. He and I were probably the biggest wrecks in the history of funerals. "He loved you, you know. Truly. He was gonna marry you someday." He said in between sniffles.
A girl came up to me a few weeks after the ceremony. She was wearing a shirt with the main character of my second book on it and staring up at me with solemn gray eyes. "Hi, Mr. Hamilton. I'm a big fan, as you can see." She gestured to her shirt with a shy laugh. "I heard about your manager. I know you two were dating, and I just want to say, on behalf of all your readers, how sorry I am."
The tiniest of gestures. Barely a few sentences. But it nearly broke me entirely. I blinked back tears. "Thanks." I managed to choke out, patting the girl on the shoulder. She smiled sadly up at me and walked on. "Hey." I called to her. She turned, clearly confused. "What's your name?" I asked. "Oh, I'm Anna." She smiled again. "Anna Watson."
"Thank you, Anna. It means a lot." I managed to smile back at her. "No problem, Mr. Hamilton." She said before walking away for real.
I walked to my apartment and stared at a wall I had dedicated to my fans. My first book was a success, but my popularity really took off after I put out my second. The wall was covered in letters, art, pictures of cosplays. I loved being an author. I would miss it.
There was a picture I had saved from one of my diaries of my mom and I. I was maybe eight. She was radiant. I hoped I'd be able to see her again.
I thought of my friends and fans, and for a second I almost regretted what I was about to do. But I had lost so many people. Too many. Besides, I'd lived for twenty-one years. I had seen as much of the world as I felt was necessary. I wrote as much in my note, which I posted on my website. I wanted to say goodbye.
I won't say how I did it. I will say it hurt way more than I thought. But at least I knew it was coming, and at least I had control. I hadn't felt like I had control over anything since John and I had our fight. I wish he'd had control. You know, at the end. I hope he didn't die mad at me.
Fuck, I'm so glad I didn't die mad at him.
-
I woke up in my bed. No, not my bed. My mattress wasn't this soft and my sheets weren't white. There were two people in the room with me, a boy and a woman. I sat up to get a better look at them.
"You're up." The woman said. Her voice. I knew that voice.
"Mom?" I whispered as her face came into focus. She nodded, tears running down her face. Then I turned to the boy. And he...he looked exactly the way he had when I'd first seen him. Wide eyes. Freckles. A single curl fighting its way out of his ponytail.
"John."
He smiled slightly and leaned forward. I leaned in too. I wanted to be able to kiss him again. Instead, he slapped me across the face. "What the absolute fuck were you thinking?!" He asked me, tears suddenly springing to his eyes. "Killing yourself just to be with me? Hasn't everyone suffered enough? You have the team, you...you have fans, Alex! What about all those ideas for your next book, huh? What about our friends? What about my dad? He loves you just like he loved me! You thought you were so alone without me, but so many people love you. I didn't have a choice. You did."
I felt so stupid. I had the sisters. I had Lafayette and Hercules. I had Mr. Laurens. Losing John was painful, but did I really have to kill myself? Knowing there was something after life, it's not like I would never have seen him again.
"Actually, you still might have a choice." My mom interjected. John and I both turned to look at her. "Really?" I asked.
She nodded. "It may seem like you've been up here awhile, but it's only been about a minute. The way you died, and the fact that you were conscious right up until you died, means you can go back. All you have to do is fall back to sleep. We'll leave you alone so you can have some quiet."
"I love you both." I told them as they stood up to leave. Mom smiled sadly. "I love you too." John nodded and leaned back down, giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Have a good life, Alex. I'll see you later." He said. I lay back down as they walked out of the room. I closed my eyes, but I didn't feel like I was falling asleep. In fact, it felt more like I was waking up.
-
Paramedics loaded me into an ambulance. I would find out later that it was Eliza who saw my note and called 911. "Alex, you're going to be fine, okay?" A paramedic told me as we reached the hospital. Yes. I thought to myself. I have a feeling I will.
-
I followed John's instructions and lived well. I wrote more books. I discovered I was bisexual and asked out Eliza. On my wedding day, I couldn't help but think of John. I knew he would be happy for Eliza and I; he always adored her.
I never forgot him, but I went on.
A/N: Welp, here's the end. Sorry, I know this was a short fic, but hey. The first Harry Potter book was only three chapters longer than this. The original ending was way sadder than this, but I'll spare you. Look out for fics in the future! Love you all!
~SC
Edit: hey, y'all! I just put up the first chapter of another fanfic. It's a Harry Potter story based around Luna Lovegood. It would mean a lot if you would check it out. I can't promise regular updates, but idk I'm excited to write more. Still love y'all!
~SC

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