Spilt Poison

01/01/13

Dear Diary, 

The first day of 2013 has begun, and I have spent it in the same way that I spend every other living day. In this prison. In this captivity. In this zoo for the mental. The walls look the same. The atmosphere is the same. The air around me is the same. I am the same. I feel like, no matter how long I stay here, I will never be mended. That no matter how hard that they try, they will never be able to fix such a broken ornament that was too fragile to be put on the shelf in the first place. And as soon as it was knocked down and broken, it couldn't be glued. 

I spend every living moment of my dull life inside the walls of the Royal Teenage Mental Care Unit. There are hundreds of others just like me in here. Some worse. Some that can be fixed in days and let out again. Although, they say I'm one of the worst. They say that I'll never see the light of day again. And being as broken as I am, I believe every word of it. Believing is all I've ever known to do. 

It'll be three years on Thursday since I was admitted to this building of darkness. I can't really remember first coming here. It was sort of a blur, since I was so depressed. I used to spend every night in here trying to find a way to end it all. I couldn't though. I was being watched throughout every minute of the day. 

I still get days like that, but I know that I can't do anything about it. There have been times where they have contemplated whether or not to let me go for a bit, but even if they thought I maybe could leave, it couldn't have happened anyway. I have no family. They all left me. Gave up on me. Not surprised. The fact that I wasn't much of a big sister. Or that I wasn't much of a daughter. The way that I would never speak. That I'd sit all day and stare at the wall, wishing I was someone I'm not. It never worked. They finally, after years of my depression, they finally decided that they had enough. I saw it coming. 

You see, I wasn't brought up in the best way. I and my sister were adopted from a life of darkness. My story is a pretty unique story, in fact. And if you're ready; then I'll begin...

Adanna