flight log » markson

🌥departure🌥 three

Waking up snuggled into Mark's body was possibly one of the best ways Jackson could have woken up. The warmth and love surrounding him almost made him forget how worried he was about the fanmeet he had later in the day. Despite being experienced and familiar with performances, seeing and talking to fans in person would never fail to terrify Jackson.

Jackson was always worried he'd say something wrong and hurt or offend a fan. He constantly felt like the fans would stop liking him after meeting him in real life, that they'd have some epiphanic realisation that Jackson wasn't all that. But being with Mark, that exact morning and that exact moment, Jackson didn't feel so afraid.

"You seem happy," Mark stated. Jackson flinched, surprised because he didn't know that Mark was awake.

"I suppose I am, yeah." Jackson took a good look at Mark's face, wanting to remember the moment forever. Mark stared back at him, his eyes only half open and lips slightly curled up.

"I'm glad. It's nice to see you happy." Mark shifted around a little so he could adjust his hold on Jackson.

"I like this. I like being in your arms and I like seeing you when I wake up. It's really nice." Jackson bit his lip, hesitating for a moment before pecking Mark on the lips.

"I thought you didn't like me back. What are you doing?" Mark frowned, but Jackson just furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Where'd you get that idea?" Jackson had liked Mark since they were trainees and he thought he made it somewhat clear last night that he felt the same.

"You were so insistent on figuring out why I love you, so I just thought-"

"You're not the brightest sometimes," Jackson teased, rolling his eyes. "It's not because I don't love you back that I was confused. I've loved you basically since we met and BamBam and Yugyeom know about it. They've teased me about it for the longest time, so I thought they told you or something."

"Really? That long?" Mark couldn't help the smile that found its way onto his lips.

"It's kind of hard to not love you. And don't even try arguing because I know you know." Jackson was suddenly squeezed into a tight hug, unable to see anything other than Mark's shirt.

"I never thought it'd feel so nice to hear that. That you like me back, I mean." Mark beamed a blinding smile, causing Jackson to smile with him.

"On a side note, we should hold off being cheesy for later," Jackson huffed, prying Mark's arms off him. "We need to get ready for today."

"That sounds boring." Mark refused to move, staring at Jackson with a pouty face.

"If we get ready now, I'll let you do my makeup. I know how much you wanted to." Jackson laughed when Mark excitedly jumped out of bed and ran out the door.

"Let's go then!"

~

Jackson couldn't recall another fanmeet where he had ever been so bored. As much as he loved seeing and being with fans, he wasn't sure they felt the same way about him. It seemed like everyone was so preoccupied with someone or something else while Jackson had nothing to do. He was just sat on the edge of the stage with nothing to do, fiddling with a plushy he stole from Yugyeom.

He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help thinking about how things used to be. It used to be him that was always busy. It used to be him that kept the fans laughing. What changed?

As the fans began to shout requests, they all settled on trying to get one of the members to sing a song from the new album. A part of Jackson yearned to be the one to take action and just do it; however, he didn't want to steal the opportunity from someone else.

Mark suddenly appeared by jackson's side, a playful grin on his face. Simply seeing Mark cheered Jackson up.

"Don't you guys want to hear jackson sing his song?" Mark shouted, the excitement in his voice causing a small smile to fall onto Jackson's lips.

"I think they'd rather hear me, right?" Jinyoung jokingly argued.

"Make some noise if you want to hear Jackson!" Mark smiled back at Jackson, but it wasn't enough to distract from what the audience began yelling.

Instead of the encouraging cheers and exclamations Jackson wanted to hear, responses about how they'd rather listen to Jinyoung were all that were said. Jackson felt his gut sink in disappointment, quickly covering his slight frown with an undeniably fake smile.

"Come on, Jinyoung. sing for us," Jackson whispered.

Jinyoung began to sing the chorus of the song he wrote for the album, all the fans immediately in awe at his voice. Jackson found himself getting lost in how captivating and beautiful the melody was in Jinyoung's mellow tone. He was lost in the perfection of Jinyoung's voice and he was utterly jealous.

Jackson had only ever wished for a voice like Jinyoung's. He couldn't even be mad that the fans wanted to hear Jinyoung over him—Jackson himself would choose Jinyoung any day. He hated his voice with an unhealthy passion, no matter how much he tried to tell himself otherwise. The expression that snuck onto his face was proof enough how much he hated himself.

He quickly faked a small smile and distracted himself in watching BamBam try to open his water bottle. Everyone was so caught up in Jinyoung's singing that he was almost certain that no one saw his bitter look. But he was wrong. Someone saw and and that someone wasn't going to let what he saw go without an explanation.