Her

Loneliness

Staring at this broken room, I couldn't help but smile at the mess I made. Not before the tears once again flooded my eyes. 

"Why! Why did you break my heart, Emily?" I yelled out into the empty house, empty like the thing in my chest that I call a heart. I wish I could make the pain go away, to make the hate for myself that was everlasting. That was ever growing. I wished it would all just go away!

I wished for death, I prayed for it. I longed for it, but sadly God refused to acknowledge me, like Emily refusing to even call me back. Refusing to even talk to me. I picked up a broken picture frame which held an event for our beautiful life that we once had together.

That was the first day I convinced Emily to smoke some weed with me. It was her first time, but a common practice for me. Something I had started in the freshman year of College and by the time I was a sophomore I had become an expert at what I did. She was so adorable as she softly brought the blunt to her rosy red lips. Wrapping them around the tip and taking a puff. I remember having to pat her back as she coughed and taking the blunt from her fingers. Taking about three puffs in one before blowing it into the air. 

I sniffled as I picked up another photo. This one was her 27th birthday and I remember doing a surprise birthday party for her. Making sure to bring her parents and friends over. Inviting some of mine, including my best friend Skye who had flown up to Canada for me. She was the best thing for me at the moment, though she was concerned with her pregnancy right now and I didn't want to worry her. 

I remember when we were younger and she was mighty convinced that she would have no children but look at her now. At the thought, a small laugh escaped my throat. I sighed at the feeling before it left me once again. I put the photo down and went over to my drawer. Opening it and pulling out my safe heaven. I began rolling and before I knew it I had a peace like feeling flow over my body. 

Going into the kitchen, giggling and smiling at nothing. I opened the fridge door and pulled out four beers while holding the blunt with my lips. Stumbling back to the front room, I fell back on the couch and opened the first one. It was repetitive, taking sips and puffs. Back n forth till I didn't even know which one I was even putting to my lips. Standing once more when noticing that I needed more beer, this time my eyes barely stayed open as I opened the fridge once more.

My eyes rolling back in my head as my hand knock over the glass bottles. The last thing I remember is my body hitting the floor and yells from outside my door.

"It's okay Emily... I'm fine."

~

"Ms.Johnson?" A voice pulled me from my sleep, opening my eyes I closed them right back up after being basically blinded by the light. "I am she." My croaky voice flowed to my ears and I cringed at the sound. I did not sound like myself and my throat was basically a desert.

"I'm going to help you sit up okay." I nodded my head and my body was being moved. A cup was placed in my head which I had gratefully taken. "Do you know why you're here Jai?" The voice asked and I shook my head. The last thing I remembered was sitting on the couch. "Well, you had alcohol poisoning and a large quantity of weed in your system. We had to pump your stomach." I sat there taking in this new information. "You had a chance of dying, thankfully your neighbor heard the beer bottles falling to the floor when you feel."

I nodded my head. I would have to thank them once I go back home. I asked the question that has been sitting in the back of my throat since I woke up. "Did an Emily by any chance come and visit me." The doctor looked to be thinking before shaking their head no. I nodded my head. "Thank you." They nodded before asking me to sign some things and talking to me about some rehab centers that I should visit before leaving with a good luck to me. 

Laying down, only one thought rested in my mind.

I guessed she didn't care for me anymore and once again I began to cry.

Falling asleep to tears rolling down my cheeks.