Postcards From Last Summer

c h a p t e r 3 | "Garrett"

I think I remember the first time I told Alec what I felt. Bad mistake though. We started getting distant and we hadn't talked for a good month or two.

He hung out with other girls and I hung out with myself. It was weird to imagine how unusual it was to lose someone you care about with a single mistake that occurs in a minute. During those same months, Garrett and I lost interest in each other, but we were still a couple.

We hadn't talked as much as we used to, and he too was just..,distant. I knew he didn't love me anymore, we both knew it. I knew he was planning to break up with me even if he's said he'd always stay with me. It was a hard time, especially thinking that I felt alone.

I sat next to Garrett with tears running down my cheeks.

"Lie to me again." I told him.

"I love you." he whispered back.

I'd look at the stars and think of what my heart felt at that moment in time. Why wasn't my heart allowing my mind to control it. I was so confused and lost, I felt a void. I got numb often, like getting lost into the blank space that surrounded my presence.

I always thought what it would've been like if I tried in my relationship with Garrett. I wondered if I really cared, maybe he would've treated me better. Maybe I could've been happier and maybe he would've been "the one". Then I thought about Alec, as I always did. Things like, "What if I told him I liked him while he was still with Lizzie? Would we have been something more than just friends?"
At that point I knew I gave up.

I had suicidal thoughts again and isolated myself. I threw panic attacks often, knowing no one was there to comfort me. That was when I became close friends with Anthea. We talked a lot and she would always be by my side, telling me how much of a jerk Garrett is to pretend I was invisible.

My favorite moments were when she called him 'ball hog' or 'pizza face' because I always defended Garrett and say, "Don't call him that, rude." But still laugh at it.

We could relate to so much as we talked about boyfriends and how shitty they could be for playing us. We shared lockers, did projects with each other, and I even invited her to my house to just chill.

I loved her for being so supportive and she-- she was just overall amazing. She meant so much to me and I cared for her more than I did with myself. We were like sisters and knew each other, everything about each other.
We were the greatest of all friends. We were unstoppable.

At least that's what I thought.