Sex Therapy

chapter 10: own up to the truth

the guilt didnt stop harry from picking up the money, counting it properly so that it is indeed, two hundred and fifty dollars like Niall said in the first place, his fingers flick from bill to bill, counting silently in his head as his eyes scan the large numbers. fifty. one hundred. and another. its not enough but he can utilize it regardless. he folds the very small stack in half then stuffs it in his pocket. he rubs his face with both of his hands, feeling frustrated; sexually and mentally. he wish that he could finished off with Niall but the guilt had hit him hard and thrown him off so badly, his dick had actually softened after Niall uttered that sainted word....daddy. knowing that a person has daddy issues yet to hear them say that word during sex is just...it felt wrong, distasteful and it could bother any person who has a conscience. Harry is the type of a guy who has morals. hes a christian. he believes in wrong and right and he always chooses right. his morals are being questioned and hes not daring to bring religion into it because he doesnt have the mental strength to think about it or to argue with himself. its not worth the headache, debating with god on his recent actions. All he wants to do is to take care of his problems. once his problems are taken care of, he definitely will not do stupid shit like this anymore.

"Dr. Styles? is everything okay?" Farrah doesnt walk in the room but shes standing by the door, her eyes big and curious, looking for any reaction from her boss face. "Mr. Horan seemed hostile. he will be okay, right? Harry knows that she is genuinely concerned but since hes in a bad mood, he snaps and gives her a dirty look, glaring at her as his jaw clenches visibly. "its none of your damn buisness. you know that whatever goes on between my patients and i, are confidnetial. dont worry about it." she scoffed out of shock. Harry has never spoken to her as that way before. she mutters "whatever" then walks away, going back to her desk. she then remembers another patient that should come to the office soon. she goes back to open the door, speaking in a firm voice. "another patient will be here in a couple hours. may i take a lunch break?" Harry roll his eyes, shaking his head from side to side. he tries very hard not to say profanities in front of his assistant. "sure. go ahead." so Farrah takes her purse from her desk and leaves the lobby. Harry is left alone with his thoughts of Niall and lust, his cupability and the condemnation of his character. for an unfrequented two hours, Harry laid back on the lounge chair, staring up at the ceiling most of the time. his eyes didnt move except the occasional blinks. the subconscious part of himself controlled his hands though, because every ten minutes, they would end up sneaking over his crotch and lightly teases his cock under the fitting material of his pants. then he would stop himself due to self-awareness. although he is lying down, and it is still day time, he could have fell into slumber but his mind was too active to slip into a dormant state.

hours ago, he was fucking a beautiful man in his chair, giving him what he wanted in trade of having his own issues gradually fixed. just hours ago, he was begged to, feared and lusted for. Harry pushed asides his feelings. he stepped outside for the comfort zone and crossed boundaries just to satisfy that man. he enjoyed doing what he did to Niall and the money is just icing on the cake, if hes honest. but participating in that controlling role and admonishing to a submissive man sexually, literally gave Harry adrenaline. of course, he already concluded that it is endorphins of his mind going off but right now, hes thinking about it all at once and hes actually getting hard. he could either make his erection go away or he could ignore it. ignoring a hard cock is a more painful and annoying option though. just as soon as he changed his mind, planning to get himself off, Farrahs tiny head popped up at the door. his hand moves away from from his crotch and he closes his eyes in embarrassment. Farrah didnt seem to notice anything, thank god.

"your patient is here! should i send him in now?"
Yeah, uh, give me two minutes then send him in." Harry requests, instantly sitting up then stood, walking over to his own desk so he gets his papers prepared. He also checks his appearance in the mirror, making sure that he's presentable at least. It's nearly a sin to look as a sloppy psychologist. He can't recall the last time he did a breath check but now would be a good time to do so. He breathes in his palm then sniffs. It doesn't smell bad so he's okay. Unexpectedly, a man shows up at the doorway. The door is wide open, fixated inside of Harry's office. "Hello?" His voice is shy but deep; it's deep enough to catch Harry's attention and to turn his head. All Harry could see is blue, blue, blue fucking blue eyes and blond hair but dyed at the ends. Dark haired men are preferred in Harry's internal book of preferences. Usually, he doesn't care about eye color but if the man or woman has dark hair, then fucking excellent.
But the man standing in the doorway....he makes blue eyes and blond hair work well. He seems to be young, probably twenty-three or twenty-four years old, wearing light blue jeans and a buttoned up, white shirt.
"I'm here for the four o'clock session. I'm Jeremy." Jeremy enters the room, getting comfortable already as he stuck out a hand. "Nice to meet you, Dr. Styles."
Harry has to remind himself to be polite and responsive so he shook Jeremy's hand.

'likewise. im glad that you've made it. please sit." he gestured at the lounge chair then his face made a disgusted expression and he hoped that his new patient didnt see it. the fact that Jeremy has to sit on that chair adds to Harrys guilt. at least, theres no visible cum stains on it, he thought. 'why dont you start by telling me a bit about yourself then explain why you are here."

Jeremy sits on the chair, and becomes slightly distracted by feeling on the material of the chair. he smiles to himself then apologizes. "sorry. your chair feels nice and i got a bit of a short attention span. you can add that to the list, ha." he chorties, and his smile is wider, nearly showing his teeth. he went from reticent to already outgoing and harry definitely likes him so far. Harry sits in his standard chair, holding onto a notepad and pen.

"anyway, im from cali. i moved here to chicago 6 years ago. uh, i love sports and hanging out with my buddies from time to time, you know, having some fun. i used to work as a journalist and wrote on the sports column of the newspaper and i coached little leagues. now, i just have temp jobs and im struggling to pick myself up from where i was, months ago"

"where were you, months ago, Jeremy?"

"drunk, passed out in the middle of a freeway and almost ran over by a car. I'm here cause...you know, i have a drinking problem. Im sort of a, uh...an alcholic. My AA coach suggested that i should come here because she believed that i had a deeper issue with my drinking like, its probably psychologicL but pfft, whatever. I didnt have a vad childhood or anything like that. Im fine, you know? I just like to drink. Can a guy enjoy a drink?"
Harry smirks, shrugging his shoulders. "Of course you can enjoy a drink. I have to ask you this though, Jeremy. Before you drink, what usually happens? Is there something, like a trigger? Can you recall anything that always usually happens before you start drinking excessively?"

Jeremy stops making eye contact with Harry and stares up at the ceiling. He crisses his arms, fidgeting for a bit. "uh, no. i dont think so. i neer thought about that." he rubs his face as he said that, avoiding eye contact still.

Harry isnt an idiot.

"you're closing off on me, Jeremy. are you telling the truth?"

"of course i am. ive got nothing tohide. if there were anything to recall before i start drinking, then i wouldnt remember....'cause id be drunk as fuck" Jeremy laughs hoping that Harry could humor him but Harry just simply smiles, writing a note on his notepad. Jeremy notices this, rolling his eyes.

"Geez already writing up on me? after we are done, youll probably have a list of any possible problem with me. i bet im going to be your favorite one so far." Jeremy remarks

"favorite what? patient?"

Jeremy shook his head. "Nope. Fuck-up. or favorite....anything. whatever floats your boat." Jeremy then sneezes, turning his head so he could avoid spraying his germs towards his psychologist.

"bless you, Jeremy. You good?" Harry might be weird for thinking this but he found Jeremys sneezing so cute. He would actually pay to see it again. maybe he is weird then. Jeremy sniffs loud enough to be obnoxious, and observes the room slowly as his blue eyes svans eery corner on the wall and each thread on the carpet. "yeah, im good. you should dust your office a bit more. allergies and shit, you know? those dust mites would get ya."

Harry makes an offended face, because hes a clean freak. He always keeps his office or his home or his car clean. he thought about retorting but goes back to his professional side.

"lets move on then. tell me about your childhood. what was it like growing up?"

Jeremys face changes from confident to neutral. the smirk that he had is gone and his eyes slightly bulges. its obvious that hes taking a moment to think; thinking about the right words to truly describe his childhood, so he wouldnt seem to exaggerate it or make it a bigger deal than it was yet to make the subject seem minor. its hard to find the right words."

"now that im thinking about it...and i never thought about it before but...i had a shitty childhood. shit."

Five minutes and he's already breaking ground. Harry thought in his mind. and its a good thing too because usually, an average person would be too afraid to move forward or to make changes or to go back into the past.