In the days, weeks, months,maybe even years... I will tell you of the many complications and hardships that a teenager, and anyone for that matter, will come to face when they are caught up with intoxication and substance abuse. For reasons, names and other such things might be changed. For my own safety and the safety of others, I am not going to state whether these events are accurately true.
Before April 30, 2012
The Beginning-
Would I ever call myself an addict? No. Would I ever even consider it? No. I smoke weed, marijuana. Ms. Ganja, her majesty and a gift from the heavens. Am I a hippie? Maybe some twisted version of one. Let's start with when I first started using substances as a means of relief. I would overdose on my prescription pills, and any other pills, beginning around 2008-09. I was in fifth grade. And I was sent to a mental institution because of my many attempts to end my own life, and also I was into self-mutilation. My father and mother had problems before I was conceived with substances. I know my mother did crank, was an alcoholic and of course, marijuana. My dad was the same. My dad is still the same, my mom has changed. Yet she still binge drinks.
While in the mental institution I learned things that I'd end up forgetting within the next few years. One- very few people are actually worth trusting. Two- everyone should be loved. Three- Hate gets you nowhere. When I got out of the mental institution I never told anybody anything and I closed up on myself.
I was in a serious relationship, mostly via-internet because of the distance between us. This had a very hard blow on me and changed the person I'd become. I also around this time got very involved with consuming pills.
I was this way until about mid-7th grade. Then one day a friend of mine and I had a very serious talk... I remember his exact words:
"Don't do the whole pill thing. I know what it's like to be hooked. Smoke weed, weed won't hurt you."
So, of course, I went to find out where I could posses weed. And then came the point of where I even knew what was my favorite type of weed; Purple.
Now, marijuana probably saved my life. Yet I did become dependant on it. I also started drinking. Let me tell you, I am a terrible drinker.
Now-
Now it is almost the ende of my 8th grade year and I've probably done things most kids in my classes will never do. And I hope they don't.
My closest friends are probably a girl my age, she has problems cutting. Yet she is beautiful, and that doesn't go unnoticed. Many of my guy friends who I introduce her to tell me almost the exact same thing. She doesn't use substances, very often.
Then there is this young man, he's 20. He's very skilled at playing video games and loves motorcycles. he's also an amazing flatland BMXer. He doesn't use substances and never has. He's probably one of the best influences in my life right now.
Then there is a girl my age's mom. I trust her with everything, I'm not fond of her daughter though. This woman will buy cigarettes and alcohol for minors, yet she doesn't condone drugs. She thinks I need treatment.
Then there is another young man. He's about seventeen and was arrested ten days ago. He's addicted to being messed up. Yet he is the only person who knows exactly where I'm coming from. And I hope he gets clean and is okay where ever he is right now.
Then there is a girl who lives out of state. She thinks she's in love with me, I disagree. Yet I do care about her very much.
I have many other people in my life that I care for greatly... I have many people in my life that I love. I am somewhat involved in a relationship with a young man. I don't enjoy our relationship. I have no faith in it lasting. Yet he believes it will so I just go along with it. We are currently not together. When I am with him I hate it. Honestly, I have someone else I want to be with yet I can't be with at the moment.
My beliefs of relationships are very different from most. If you're with someone and they cheat, oh well. Because if you're meant to be with them, then it shouldn't matter who they're with because no matter what you're the best for them. And someday they'll realize it and there will be no reason for them to cheat...
Anyhow,
Right now, in the state that I'm in, I want to be straight-edge. I want to be clean. And I want to make new friends, other then the ones listed above. I need to do this not only for me, but for who I will come to meet in the future, I also want to help my friends get clean. On a daily basis, I hang out with alcoholics and drug addicts and my sober and clean friends avoid me. I need to change that.
My parents also just found out I am a drug dealer.
My mom isn't as upset as she was when she found out I wasn't heterosexual.
April 30th, 2012
Well, I'm grounded. I'm beyond grounded actually, my mother hates me even more. She looks at me and sees a spitting image of my father. My stepmother and father told me I need to start respecting myself and my mother's side of the family have basically disowned me. My on-and-of partner's bestfriend is now accusing me of flirting when he flirted with me. Meanwhile, someone who is part of the notorious gang the Crips owes me money. More specifically, drug delaing money. On the 20th I tried overdosing and committing suicide, I had a close friend arrested and I am now trying to get clean. I need a job, I need to escape and I need redemption. I'm also terrified of getting caught by the feds and get charged, but I'm even more scared of accidently getting someone else caught. If you know anything about what happens to narks, then you'll know I'll be dead if I say anything.
One of my friends, let's call her El, is on house arrested. That's probably the only thing keeping her safe from a lot of people. she was caught huffing and taking Triple C's. The cops took her phone as evidence and also had a boy, named Nr, arrested.
Nr is twenty and a sex offender and was arrested last year for having sex with an underaged girl. He is now being charged with
To be continued....
